#I feel the need to add that if anybody reads themselves in this or Stan’s character

[crab-people-overlord]

This addition is SO important!! Please read as there’s so much about functional alcoholism I want to say and this addition puts it so very well. Thank you so much for adding those important points.

Alcoholism is very dangerous no matter if it’s ‘functional’ or not- there is no such thing as one being better than the other to have or being able to control yourself if you’re addicted, even if functional. Both are very serious and neither is healthy. And both usually stem from the individual wanting to feel normal and using it as a form of self-medication but being unable to stop.

The point raised about it often being hidden so well often leads to very scary results is very true- it’s not noticed until the individual can’t hide it anymore, at which point the individual is often very far into a very dangerous addiction cycle. The only thing the ‘high functioning’ does is give a false sense of security to the individual. It always eventually reaches a crisis phase (oftentimes at multiple points in a continuing cycle). Stan’s intelligence and cynicism may even further work against him in this regard- it may help him to maintain the appearance of control for even longer, leading to an even deeper crash once discovered by others.

Writing about functional alcoholism (or any addiction) requires walking a super delicate line between acknowledging his resilience and competence while not minimizing the real dangers of addiction if choosing to write him with this struggle.

I also want to add that there’s also so many routes writers can take for stan, and it’s very possible (and I’d say even hopeful and in character) that he doesn’t even struggle with it as an adult. In the corrected timeline, stan does not struggle with alcoholism and I’m guessing got a good support system to get to that place. I’d love to see more fics in this direction

Understanding Stan Marsh: A Character Analysis and Response to Fandom Mischaracterization (Writing Depression/Addiction Responsibly):

I’m sure a similar analysis exists - but I haven’t found it so I wanted to make it. I’ve seen similar analyses about Wendy with her intelligence/tendency to serve as a villain in things like Style fics and Kenny with his own addiction as well as lower-class designations, which absolutely should exist. But I haven’t seen any about Stan in the same sense despite issues I’ve seen in fandom about his characterization and either blatantly disregarding and misunderstanding what depression is/or/trying to further their specific shipping agenda such as Kyman. And I think it’s finally time we fucking talk about it. This is due to me noticing a prolific increase in the ‘Stan Marsh is an asshole’ tag on AO3.

The Problem of Character Flanderization

Character flanderization (the tendency to focus only on a character's weaknesses) has always existed in fanworks, but the current treatment of Stan Marsh reveals a particularly troubling trend in how mental health and addiction are portrayed. This isn't about calling out specific creators - many (even most) write Stan beautifully, even in ships like Kyman. Rather, this analysis addresses a broader pattern of mischaracterization that does a disservice not only to his character but to real people struggling with similar issues.

Please note this analysis is not directed at any particular creator at all! I see SO many good characterizations of Stan, even in Kyman fics (I’d argue a lot of them do!). But I also see very unfair portrayals of him in some fics which at the end of the day show a complete disregard to addiction/depression and ignore his good traits in favor of furthering their own agenda. I’M NOT OKAY with this, and I think it’s time we talk about this as a fandom. 

 This trend often manifests in two primary ways:

Depression Mischaracterization:

Some of fandom's handling of Stan's depression reveals a profound misunderstanding of clinical depression that goes beyond simple character misinterpretation. The "You're Getting Old/Ass Burgers" arc isn't just about Stan being "negative" or "selfish" - it's one of television's most authentic portrayals of how depression manifests in young people. Stan doesn't CHOOSE to see everything as shit; his brain chemistry literally alters his perception of reality. This isn't character weakness - it's a medical condition that he fights against while still trying to maintain his relationships and sense of self.

What many fanworks miss is that depression often coexists with deep empathy and care for others. In fact, Stan's depression might partly stem from how deeply he feels things - his awareness of environmental destruction, animal cruelty, and societal hypocrisies. He continues to fight for causes he believes in and protect those he loves even while struggling to find meaning in his own life. That's not selfishness - it's remarkable resilience. The show demonstrates this complexity brilliantly: even at his very  lowest points, Stan still:

Tries to maintain his friendship with Kyle despite literally seeing him as shit

Continues to stand up for what he believes in when he realistically thinks it can make an impact

Attempts to understand and help others, even when he can barely help himself

Fights desperately to stay present in a world that has lost its color and meaning

When fanworks reduce Stan's depression to mere selfishness or use it as a convenient plot device to make him the villain, they not only mischaracterize Stan but potentially harm readers struggling with similar issues. They send the message that depression makes someone unworthy of friendship or love - exactly the opposite of what people with depression need to hear.

Alcoholism Mischaracterization:

Stan's relationship with alcohol deserves particular attention because it's portrayed with a nuance rarely seen in either animation or fanworks. The show presents a complex web of factors that contribute to Stan's relationship with alcohol:

First, there's the genetic component - Stan comes from a family with clear predisposition to addiction, particularly through Randy. But crucially, Stan never sought out alcohol on his own. He was introduced to it by adults who should have protected him, making his initial exposure a betrayal of trust rather than a character flaw.

What makes Stan's arc so powerful is how it captures the insidious nature of functional alcoholism. He discovers that alcohol makes an unbearable world bearable - it literally changes how he sees things from "shit" back to normal. STAN HAS NEVER EVER BEEN ABOUT getting drunk for fun; it's always been about self-medication to seem 'normal' to others in response to genuine mental health struggles. The show demonstrates how someone can be both struggling with addiction and highly competent - a reality many fanworks seem unable to grasp.

Even in the "bad timeline" of the Post-Covid episodes, Stan maintains his fundamental characteristics and ability to function. He becomes what's known as a "functional alcoholic" - not because this is healthy, but because it reflects a tragic reality that those who seem most adjusted often hide the deepest struggles. He learns exactly how much alcohol makes him functional versus dysfunctional, developing the kind of careful management that allows many real-life individuals with addiction to hide in plain sight.

When fanworks reduce this complex portrayal to "pathetic or asshole drunk Stan," they miss the point entirely. They ignore:

The environmental factors that led to his alcohol use

The relationship between his depression and self-medication

The reality that addiction often coexists with high functionality

And especially, and something I think a lot of you need to fucking understand - the way addiction can stem from trying to feel normal rather than trying to get high. Stan never ever tries to feel ‘high’ or even drunk. He ALWAYS is just trying to feel fucking NORMAL. 

This oversimplification doesn't just do a disservice to Stan's character - it perpetuates harmful stereotypes about addiction that make it harder for real people to seek help.

Stan's Core Character Traits

Stan consistently demonstrates practical morality alongside emotional depth. His quiet leadership often goes unnoticed - he's frequently the instigator of group plans alongside Cartman, but without the manipulation or need for credit. His relationship with Wendy shows realistic pre-teen awkwardness while maintaining genuine care and respect. These aren't the traits of a "simp" or an "asshole" - they're the complex characteristics of a well-written character dealing with real challenges.

Just rewatch the show for evidence of this - Stan at the same level of Cartman instigates things. And at the same level of Kyle, he tends to do it for the greater good of society. He’s just not as attributed to his actions because he’s naturally more quiet about it than both Kyle and Cartman are. 

TLDR- /Mental Health and Responsiblity in Writing:

The show's handling of Stan's mental health offers a masterclass in nuanced characterization that many fanworks ignore. His depression and struggles with alcohol aren't plot devices - they're part of a larger narrative about growing up in a world that often doesn't make sense. Writing Stan as a "pathetic drunk" or "selfish depressive" isn't just bad characterization - it's potentially harmful to readers who share these struggles

His depression on the actual show is shown as a legitimate struggle, not a character flaw

His relationship with alcohol is portrayed as functional and carefully managed - something maybe some of you would be surprised to learn that some of the most functional folks in your life actually are pretty good at hiding. Stan in his depression arc is ultimately meant to be shown as someone who is a ‘functional’ alcoholic rather than a ‘dysfunctional’ one. That’s not to say it’s healthier to be functional. But it’s ultimately the whole point of that goddamn arc - that even those who seem the most well-adjusted may be hiding a more sinister addiction. So I don’t really see the fucking point of writing Stan as someone who is so alcoholic to the point that it fucks up his entire life. 

The Shipping Problem

The rise of ships like Kyman often comes with an unnecessary cost: the villainization of Stan. This ignores the show's complex web of relationships - Stan's deep friendship with Kyle doesn't need to be erased or twisted to explore other relationships. The best Kyman fics prove this by maintaining Stan's character integrity while exploring new dynamics. Additionally, Stan's relationships with other characters, particularly his often-overlooked friendship with Kenny, deserve more attention and respect in fanworks.

Complex relationships can be written without villainizing other characters like Stan

Good Kyman fics prove you can write the ship while maintaining Stan's character integrity. 

Both Kyle and Stan canonically view each other as super best friends and equals- and this is because they literally ARE equals, even in a moral sense. Neither of them is better than the other. They have a deep connection to each other. Any fic written about either of them HAS to accurately represent this without making Stan to be a primarily weak selfish villain. This is so incredibly unfair to Stan’s character, and a massive representation of him. Same if it’s vice versa for a fic for Stan misrepresenting Kyle (though I’ll be honest - I far more often see Stan as misrepresented in recent works as a selfish asshole over Kyle). 

When writing Stan, consider:

His actions, even negative ones, should stem from established character traits

His struggles with mental health and substance use should be treated with nuance and care. Writing him as an asshole or complete loser (he can be a lil bit of a lovingly designated loser lol) is a slap in the face to those who do function quite well in the real world but with this particular struggle of depression and addiction. Don’t ignore Stan's many strengths, such as adjusting well to things in the moment both physically and intellectually. (He absolutely can be dumb about some things to the extent that it's humorous, but he is not actually dumb - he consistently shows some of the most complex critical thinking in the entire show, even compared to Kyle. And it makes no sense to disregard this aspect of his character.) 

His relationships with other characters should reflect their canonical complexity. Stan canonically seems to spend more time with (and even care for) Kenny more than Kyle does, demonstrably at a canonical level. Don’t disregard this - same as don't disregard his loyalty and love to Kyle, especially canonically.

If writing him as antagonistic, ensure it serves character development rather than plot convenience.

Stan deserves better than reductive characterization. His struggles with mental health and addiction make him more relatable, not less worthy of respect. Writers who reduce him to his lowest moments not only do a disservice to a complex character but potentially harm readers who see their own battles reflected in his story. We can and should do better - both for Stan and for each other. He is literally meant to be written as the person most relatable to general society, after all.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

wait you are korean ?

***

It’s not something I advertise but yes. African too. Mostly fluent in the three biggest European languages but can read and understand Korean, Yoruba, Ewe, Hausa, and to a much smaller extent, Hebrew courtesy my sister-in-law. Since I’m already giving you my bio, Anon, I might as well add that I’m female, queer, and occasionally anti-America but always pro-murder-beheadings-sodomy-untold evil upon-Putin. And because I’ve gotten asks from people unsure how to address me re: my race, background, and culture, I don’t highlight my background often because (1) it’s often not relevant to the conversation, (2) I don’t want people sending me things to translate for them (the fandom already has many wonderful translators, please use them), and (3) …who actually does that? Just going around announcing what they are. Because I kid you not, I’ve actually gotten an ask from someone trying to pick apart my posts before to clarify whether I’m queer, Korean, Black, a woman… demanding that I assert and announce whether I’m any of those things. And that’s just weird.

I’m going on a bit of a tangent here but this just reminded me of something.

A couple months ago I got an ask from someone asking me to confirm something their ‘Korean oomf’ told them about jikook and Jimin. It was nonsense of course, but I didn’t say that at first. I instead asked that person for the source, to allow me speak to their ‘Korean oomf’ on Twitter. Just from the text and the way the grammar was written I could tell the person was a fraud. Scrolling back enough and cross-referencing their username confirmed it. They were a white person pretending to be a 22 year old Korean girl who knew someone that works in BigHit on Twitter. When I confirmed what they were for myself, I went back to the Tumblr person who sent the ask initially. I told them to avoid people who claim to be Korean telling them this or that, to instead stick with known ARMY translators (even solo stans have known legit translators who are actually Korean. At least I know PJMs and MYGs do so they have options too), and pay the most attention to what the members themselves say. They are very consistent. I’m saying this as someone who has seen a lot of idols - one thing about BTS is that all seven of them are very consistent. If you’re just noticing something about a member, I’d say you never really paid attention to them before. Anyway, in both their strengths and weaknesses, BTS are consistent, so listen to them and think for yourself rather than what some self-proclaimed Korean person on the internet is telling you.

I don’t write what I do here to convince anybody. But it’s not escaped my attention that, at least in jikook spaces, people place a premium on what Korean people think. On how k-jikookers feel, and that a good compliment here is to have a Korean joker acknowledge your blog, comment, or point. It stands to reason to some extent since Korean is very nuance-dependent and cultural cues and knowledge is important, but I also see how that deference is ripe for abuse. So, I’m not mad when people occasionally send me asks questioning why I write things or what I mean exactly though I think I’ve been clear, because it shows me people are still thinking critically about the media they consume. No matter who it’s from. I don’t respond because I don’t feel the need to defend myself to anybody, but I overall appreciate the sentiment behind that anon being questioning in the first place.

At the end of the day, I hope the strengths of my arguments can remain no matter my identity. And that we’re all spending more time actually having fun rather than engaging in tedious discourse.

Lol. Soapbox moment over. More fun asks please.

[army-of-mai-lovers]

in which I get progressively angrier at the various tropes of atla fandom misogyny

tbh I think it would serve all of us to have a larger conversation about the specific ways misogyny manifests in this fandom, because I’ve seen a lot of people who characterize themselves as feminists, many of whom are women themselves, discuss the female characters of atla/lok in misogynistic ways, and people don’t talk about it enough. 

disclaimer before I start: I’m not a woman, I’m an afab nonbinary person who is semi-closeted and thus often read as a woman. I’m speaking to things that I’ve seen that have made me uncomfy, but if any women (esp women existing along other axes of oppression, e.g. trans women, women of color, disabled women, etc) want to add onto this post, please do!

“This female character is a total badass but I’m not even a little bit interested in exploring her as a human being.” 

I’ve seen a lot of people say of various female characters in atla/lok, “I love her! She’s such a badass!” now, this statement on its own isn’t misogynistic, but it represents a pretty pervasive form of misogyny that I’ve seen leveled in large part toward the canon female love interests of one or both of the members of a popular gay ship (*cough* zukka *cough*) I’m going to use Suki as an example of this because I see it with her most often, but it can honestly be applied to nearly every female character in atla/lok. Basically, people will say that they stan Suki, but when it comes time to engage with her as an actual character, they refuse to do it. I’ve seen meta after meta about Zuko’s redemption arc, but I so rarely see people engage with Suki on any level beyond “look at this cool fight scene!” and yeah, I love a cool Suki fight scene as much as anybody else, but I’m also interested in meta and headcanons and fics about who she is as a person, when she isn’t an accessory to Sokka’s development or doing something cool. of course, the material for this kind of engagement with Suki is scant considering she doesn’t have a canon backstory (yet) (don’t let me down Faith Erin Hicks counting on you girl) but with the way I’ve seen people in this fandom expand upon canon to flesh out male characters, I know y’all have it in you to do more with Suki, and with all the female characters, than you currently do. frankly, the most engagement I’ve seen with Suki in mainstream fandom is justifying either zukki (which again, is characterizing her in relation to male characters, one of whom she barely interacts with in canon) or one of the Suki wlw pairings. which brings me to--

“I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!” 

now, I will admit, two of my favorite atla ships are yueki and mailee, and so I totally understand being interested in these characters’ dynamics, even if, as is the case with yueki, they’ve never interacted canonically. however, it becomes a problem for me when these ships are always in the background of a zukka fic. at some point, it becomes obvious that you like this ship because it gets either Zuko or Sokka’s female love interests out of the way, not because you actually think the characters would mesh well together. It’s bad form to dislike a female character because she gets in the way of your gay ship, so instead, you find another girl to pair her off with and call it a day. to be clear, I’m not saying that everybody who ships either mailee or yueki (or tysuki or maisuki or yumai or whatever other wlw rarepair involving Zuko or Sokka’s canon love interests) is nefariously trying to sideline a female character while acting publicly as if she’s is one of their faves--far from it--but it is noteworthy to me how difficult it is to find content that centers wlw ships, while it’s incredibly easy to find content that centers zukka in which mailee and/or yueki plays a background role. 

also, notice how little traction wlw Katara ships gain in this fandom. when’s the last time you saw yuetara on your dash? there’s no reason for wlw Katara ships to gain traction in a fandom that is so focused on Zuko and Sokka getting together, bc she doesn’t present an immediate obstacle to that goal (at least, not an obstacle that can be overcome by pairing her up with a woman). if you are primarily interested in Zuko and Sokka’s relationship, and your queer readings of other female characters are motivated by a desire to get them out of the way for zukka, then Katara’s canon m/f relationship isn’t a threat to you, and thus, there’s no reason to read her as potentially queer. Or even, really, to think about her at all. 

“Katara’s here but she’s not actually going to do anything, because deep down, I’m not interested in her as a person.” 

the show has an enormous amount of textual evidence to support the claim that Sokka and Katara are integral parts of each other’s lives. so, she typically makes some kind of appearance in zukka content. sometimes, her presence in the story is as an actual character with layers and nuance, someone whom Sokka cares about and who cares about Sokka in return, but also has her own life and goals outside of her brother (or other male characters, for that matter.) sometimes, however, she’s just there because halfway through writing the author remembered that Sokka actually has a sister who’s a huge part of the show they’re writing fanfiction for, and then they proceed to show her having a meetcute with Aang or helping Sokka through an emotional problem, without expressing wants or desires outside of those characters. I’m honestly really surprised that I haven’t seen more people calling out the fact that so much of Katara’s personality in fanon revolves around her connections to men? she’s Aang’s girlfriend, she’s Sokka’s sister, she’s Zuko’s bestie. never mind that in canon she spends an enormous amount of time fighting against (anachronistic, Westernized) sexism to establish herself as a person in her own right, outside of these connections. and that in canon she has such interesting complex relationships with other female characters (e.g. Toph, Kanna, Hama, Korra if you want to write lok content) or that there are a plethora of characters with whom she could have interesting relationships with in fanon (Mai, Suki, Ty Lee, Yue, Smellerbee, and if you want to write lok content, Kya II, Lin, Asami, Senna, etc). to me, the lack of fandom material exploring Katara’s relationships with other women or with herself speak to a profound indifference to Katara as a character. I’m not saying you have to like Katara or include her in everything you write, but I am asking you to consider why you don’t find her interesting outside of her relationships with men.

“I hate Katara because she talks about her mother dying too often.” 

this is something I’ve seen addressed by people far more qualified than I to address it, but I want to mention it here in part because when I asked people which fandom tropes they wanted me to talk about, this came up often, but also because I find it really disgusting that this is a thing that needs to be addressed at all. Y’all see a little girl who watched her mother be killed by the forces of an imperialist nation and say that she talks about it too much??? That is a formational, foundational event in a child’s life. Of course she’s going to talk about it. I’ve seen people say that she doesn’t talk about it that often, or that she only talks about it to connect with other victims of fn imperialism e.g. Jet and Haru, but frankly, she could speak about it every episode for no plot-significant reason whatsoever and I would still be angry to see people say she talks about it too much. And before you even bring up the Sokka comparison, people deal with grief in different ways. Sokka  repressed a lot of his grief/channeled it into being the “man” of his village because he knew that they would come for Katara next if he gave them the opportunity. he probably would talk about his mother more if a) he didn’t feel massive guilt at not being able to remember what she looked like, and b) he was allowed to be a child processing the loss of his mother instead of having to become a tiny adult when Hakoda had to leave to help fight the fn. And this gets into an intersection with fandom racism, in that white fans (esp white American fans) are incapable of relating to the structural trauma that both Sokka and Katara experience and thus can’t see the ways in which structural trauma colors every single aspect of both of their characters, leading them to flatten nuance and to have some really bad takes. And you know what, speaking of bad fandom takes--   

“Shitting on Mai because she gets in the way of my favorite Zuko ship is actually totally okay because she’s ~abusive~” 

y’all WHAT. 

ok listen, I get not liking maiko. I didn’t like it when I first got into fandom, and later I realized that while bryke cannot write romance to save their lives, fans who like maiko sure can, so I changed my tune. but if you still don’t like it, that’s fine. no skin off my back. 

what IS skin off my back is taking instances in which Mai had justified anger toward Zuko, and turning it into “Mai abused Zuko.” do you not realize how ridiculous you sound? this is another thing where I get so angry about it that I don’t know how useful my analysis is actually going to be, but I’ll do my best. numerous people have noted how analysis of Mai and Zuko’s breakup in “The Beach” or Mai being justifiably angry with him at Boiling Rock or her asking for FUCKING FRUIT in “Nightmares and Daydreams” that says that all of these events were her trying to gain control over him is....ahhh...lacking in reading comprehension, but I’d like to go a step further and talk about why y’all are so intent on taking down a girl who doesn’t show emotion in normative ways. obviously, there’s a “Zuko can do no wrong” aspect to Mai criticism (which is super weird considering how his whole arc is about how he can do lots of wrong and he has to atone for the wrong that he’s done--but that’s a separate post.) But I also see slandering Mai for not expressing her emotions normatively and not putting up with Zuko’s shit and slandering Katara for “talking about her mother too often” as two sides of the same coin. In both cases, a female character expresses emotions that make you, the viewer, uncomfortable, and so instead of attempting to understand where those emotions may have come from and why they might be manifesting the way they are, y’all just throw the whole character away. this is another instance of people in the fandom being fundamentally disinterested in engaging with the female characters of atla in a real way, except instead of shallowly “stanning” Mai, y’all hate her. so we get to this point where female characters are flattened into one of two things: perfect queens who can do no wrong, or bitches. and that’s not who they are. that’s not who anyone is. but while we as a fandom are pretty good at understanding b1 Zuko’s actions as layered and multifaceted even though he’s essentially an asshole then, few are willing to lend the same grace to any female character, least of all Mai. 

and what’s funny is sometimes this trope will intersect with “I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”, so you’ll have someone actively calling Mai toxic/problematic/abusive, and at the same time ship her with Ty Lee? make it make sense! but then again, maybe that’s happening because y’all are fundamentally disinterested in Ty Lee as a character too. 

“I love Ty Lee so much that I’m going to treat her like an infantilized hypersexual airhead!” 

there are so many things happening in y’alls characterization of Ty Lee that I struggled to synthesize it into one quippy section header. on one hand, you have the hypersexualization, and on the other hand, you have the infantilization, which just makes the hypersexualization that much worse. 

(of course, sexualizing or hypersexualizing ANY atla character is really not the move, considering that these are child characters in a children’s show, but then again, that’s a separate post.) 

now, I understand how, from a very, very surface reading of the text, you could come to the conclusion that Ty Lee is an uncomplicated bimbo. if you grew up on Western media the way I did, you’ll know that Ty Lee has a lot of the character traits we associate with bimbos: the form-fitting pink crop top, the general conventional attractiveness, the ditzy dialogue. but if you think about it for more than three seconds, you’ll understand that Ty Lee has spent her whole life walking a tightrope, trying to please Azula and the rest of the royal family while also staying true to herself. Ty Lee and Azula’s relationship is a really complex and interesting topic that I don’t really have time to explore at the moment given how long this post is, but I’d argue that Ty Lee’s constant, vocal  adulation is at least partially a product of learning to survive at court at an early age. Like Mai, she has been forced to regulate her emotions as a member of fn nobility, but unlike Mai, she also has six sisters who look exactly like her, so she has a motivation to be more peppy and more affectionate to stand out. 

fandom does not do the work to understand Ty Lee. as is a theme with this post, fandom is actively disinterested in investigating female characters beyond a very surface level reading of them. Thus, fandom takes Ty Lee’s surface level qualities--her love of the color pink, her revealing standard outfit, and the fact that once she found a boy attractive and also once a lot of boys found her attractive--and they stretch this into “Ty Lee is basically Karen Smith from Mean Girls.” thus, Ty Lee is painted as a bimbo, or more specifically, as not smart, uncritically adoring of Azula (did y’all forget all the non-zukka bits of Boiling Rock?), and attractive to the point of hypersexualization. I saw somebody make a post that was like “I wish mailee was more popular but I’m also glad it isn’t because otherwise people would write it as Mai having to put up with her dumb gf” and honestly I have to agree!! this is one instance in which I’m glad that fandom doesn’t discuss one of my favorite characters that often because I hate the fanon interpretation of Ty Lee, I think it’s rooted in misogyny (particularly misogyny against East Asian women, which often takes the form of fetishizing them and viewing them only through a Western white male gaze)  

(side note: here at army-of-mai-lovers, we stan bimbos. bimbos are fucking awesome. I personally don’t read Ty Lee as a bimbo, but if that’s you, that’s fucking awesome. keep doing what you’re doing, queen <3 or king or monarch, it’s 2021, anyone can be a bimbo, bitches <3)

“Toph can and will destroy everyone here with her bare hands because she’s a meathead who likes to murder people and that’s it!”  

Toph is, and always has been, one of my favorite ATLA characters. My very first fic in fandom was about her, and she appears prominently in a lot of my other work as well. One thing that I am always struck by with Toph is how big a heart she has. She’s independent, yes, snarky, yes, but she cares about people--even the family that forced her to make herself smaller because they didn’t believe that their blind daughter could be powerful and strong. Her storyline is powerful and emotionally resonant, her bending is cool precisely because it’s based in a “wait and listen” approach instead of just smashing things indiscriminately, she’s great disabled rep, and overall one of the best characters in the show. 

And in fandom, she gets flattened into “snarky murder child.” 

So where does this come from? Well, as we all know, Toph was originally conceived of as a male character, and retained a lot of androgyny (or as the kids call it, Gender) when she was rewritten as a female character. There are a lot of cultural ideas about androgynous/butch women being violent, and people in fandom seem to connect that larger cultural narrative with some of Toph’s more violent moments in the show to create the meathead murder child trope, erasing her canon emotionality, softness, heart, and femininity in the process. 

This is not to say that you shouldn’t write or characterize Toph as being violent or snarky at all ever, because yeah, Toph definitely did do Earth Rumbles a lot before joining the gaang, and yeah, Toph is definitely a sarcastic person who makes fun of her friends a lot. What I am saying is that people take these traits, sans the emotional logic, marry them to their conception of androgynous/butch women as violent/unemotional/uncaring, and thus create a caricature of Toph that is not at all up to snuff. When I see Toph as a side character in a fic (because yeah, Toph never gets to be a main character, because why would a fandom obsessed with one male character in particular ever make Toph a protagonist in her own right?) she’s making fun of people, killing people, pranking people, etc, etc. She’s never talking to people about her emotions, or palling around with her found family, or showing that she cares about her friends. Everything about her relationship with her parents, her disability, her relationship to Gender, and her love of her friends is shoved aside to focus on a version of Toph that is mean and uncaring because people have gotten it into their heads that androgynous/butch women are mean and uncaring. 

again, we see a female character who does not emote normatively or in a way that makes you, the viewer, comfortable, and so you warp her character until she’s completely unrecognizable and flat. and for what? 

Azula

no, I didn’t come up with a snappy name for this section, mainly because fanon interpretations of Azula and my own feelings toward the character are...complicated. I know there were some people who wanted me to write about Azula and the intersection of misogyny and ableism in fanon interpretations of her character, but I don’t think I can deliver on that because I personally am in a period of transition with how I see Azula. that is to say, while I still like her and believe that she can be redeemed, there is a lot of merit to disliking her. the whole point of this post is that the female characters of ATLA are complex people whom the fandom flattens into stereotypes that don’t hold up to scrutiny, or dislike for reasons that don’t make sense. Azula, however, is a different case. the rise of Azula defenders and Azula stans has led to this sentiment that Azula is a 14 y/o abuse victim who shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. it seems to me that people are reacting to a long, horrible legacy of male ATLA fans armchair diagnosing Azula with various personality disorders (and suggesting that people with those personality disorders are inherently monstrous and unlovable which ahhhh....yikes) and then saying that those personality disorders make her unlovable, which is quite obviously bad. and hey, I get loving a character that everyone else hates and maybe getting so swept up in that love that you forget that your fave is complicated and has made some unsavory choices. it sucks that fanon takes these well-written, complex villains/antiheroes and turns them into monsters with no critical thought whatsoever. but the attitude among Azula stans that her redemption shouldn’t be hard, that her being a child excuses all of the bad things that she’s done, that she is owed redemption....all of that rubs me the wrong way. I might make another post about this in the future that discusses this in more depth, but as it stands now: while I understand that there is a legacy of misogynistic, ableist, unnuanced takes on Azula, the backlash to that does not take into account the people she hurt or the fact that in ATLA she does not make the choice to pursue redemption. and yes, Zuko had help in making that choice that Azula didn’t, and yes, Azula is a victim of abuse, but in a show about children who have gone through untold horrors and still work to better the lives of the people around them, that is not enough for me to uncritically stan her. 

Conclusion    

misogyny in this fandom runs rampant. while there are some tropes of fandom misogyny that are well-documented and have been debunked numerous times, there are other, subtler forms of misogyny that as far as I know have gone completely unchecked. 

what I find so interesting about misogyny in atla fandom is that it’s clear that it’s perpetrated by people who are aware of fandom misogyny who are actively trying not to be misogynistic. when I first joined atla fandom last summer, memes about how zukka fandom was better than every other fandom because they didn’t hate the female characters who got in the way of their gay ship were extremely prevalent, and there was this sense that *this* fandom was going to model respectful, fun, feminist online fandom. not all of the topes I’ve outlined are exclusive to or even largely utilized in zukka fandom, but a lot of them are. I’ve been in and out of fandom since I was eleven years old, and most of the fandom spaces I’ve been in have been majority-female, and all of them have been incredibly misogynistic. and I always want to know why. why, in these communities created in large part by women, in large part for women, does misogyny run wild? what I realize now is that there’s never going to be a one-size fits all answer to that question. what’s true for 1D fandom on Wattpad in 2012 is absolutely not true for atla fandom on tumblr in 2021. the answers that I’ve cobbled together for previous fandoms don’t work here. 

so, why is atla fandom like this? why did the dream of a feminist fandom almost entirely focused on the romantic relationship between two male characters fall apart? honestly, I think the notion that zukka fandom ever was this way was horrifically ignorant to begin with. from my very first moment in the fandom, I was seeing racism, widespread sexualization of minors, and yes, misogyny. these aspects of the fandom weren’t talked about as much as the crocverse or other, much more fun aspects. further, atla (specifically zukka) fandom misogyny often doesn’t look like the fandom misogyny we’ve become familiar with from like, Sherlock fandom or what have you. for the most part, people don’t actively hate Suki, they just “stan” without actually caring about her. they hate Mai because they believe in treating male victims of abuse equally. they’re not characterizing Toph poorly, they’re writing her as a “strong woman.” in short, people are misogynistic, and then invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of feminist theory to shield themselves from accusations of misogyny. it’s not unlike the way some people will invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of critical race theory to shield themselves from accusations of racism, or how they’ll talk about “freedom of speech” and “the suppression of women’s sexuality” to justify sexualizing minors. the performance of feminism and antiracism is what’s important, not the actual practice. 

if you’ve made it this far, first off, hi, thanks so much for reading, I know this was a lot. second, I would seriously encourage you to be aware of these fandom tropes and to call them out when you see them. elevate the voices of fans who do the work of bringing the female characters of atla to life. invest in the wlw ships in this fandom. drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic (please, drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic). read some yuetara. let’s all be honest about where we are now, and try to do better in the future. I believe in us. 

[homoo-wan-kenobi]

Thank you for the confirmation and im hoping I can articulate myself so as not to come across as offensive. Most of the (predominantly female) fanbase i think hc Alcina as a lesbian which im fine with. But I think more and more im noticing some opinions and jokes shared that steer a bit negatively towards the males that stan her. For example, I feel like I keep seeing this narrative being shared that the straight guys only like her for her boobs and butt while the LGBT love and respect everything about her, thus making them sort of superior fans. But imo Ive seen both sides degrade and reduce her to a sexual fantasy many times. I can go on but I think i'll stop there. All in all i'd like this fandom to be inclusive and for everyone to respect each others hc but I can't help but see that line of hostility to the straights for daring to like Alcina. And I know a lot of people aren't very fond of the straight dudes due to personal experiences, but also maybe consider trans men who may feel a bit targeted or left out from all the fun.

And this is coming from a (mostly) straight woman.

no problem. I can't deem whether or not this is offensive to anybody besides myself.

anyway, yeah, she is headcanoned as a lesbian within the fandom by most people which like you said is completely fine! everyone is free to headcanon her sexuality as whatever they find comforting to themselves.

no, it is true that a lot of males only like her for her for her boobs and her butt. and yes, I do think that she is more respected and loved by the lgbtq+ community! with that being said, I think the difference is that a lot of artwork that was maybe done by straight males shows her assets to be oversexualised to the point where they make her boobs just like ginormous, but I can't say that everybody who does art of her like that are straight males. I can only go by what I know. but art of her like that makes me uncomfortable, but if that's your preference of style then I am not going to judge you for that because I know they put a lot of hard work into their art, oversexualised or not, and it's not my place to bash them for drawing the way that they want to. it's their art not mine. and I think I've gotten a bit off track, sorry!

in my honest opinion, it's okay if you reduce her down to a sexual fantasy. I don't think there's any harm in it and it's perfectly normal to have sexual fantasy. it's like fantasising about someone you like, if it's okay for you to do it, why would you shame others for doing it too?? not saying that you are, anon, just speaking in general.

I do, however, think the fandom needs to get better at respecting people's opinions. just because they don't match yours, doesn't mean that you get to be rude to them, let them be.

I think it's just wanting them to be respectful. like you want to just see her as a sexual fantasy?? fine, just make sure you're doing it respectfully. you love her and want her to have all the love and happiness in the world?? that's fine too, just be respectful. I'm not sure if that makes any sense so I apologise if it doesn't.

lastly, we should try to be more considerate to the members in the fandom. and more inclusive in general. like everybody in this fandom is beautiful in their own way and their headcanons are valid. and nobody should be targeted or made to feel inferior in what they believe or decide to headcanon.

I do hope that this was a thoughtful reply and it made some sense. and I hope I'm not coming off as offensive to anybody who reads this. and if you'd like to add your own thoughts and opinions, you're more than welcome to!

[dramionediscussion]

I have a concern about Dramione fandom, which has been slightly troubling me lately. I am not saying that this is something that is going to happen, or is happening already. Naturally, I don’t think this is entirely unfounded either (hence why I am writing this), but I am just one Dramione shipper. If this doesn’t resonate at all, that’s totally fine! We are all aware of extremely boorish and fatuous anti-Dramione people, who troll, defame and accuse Dramione of being all sort of things. We are also probably all quite familiar with their claims about the ship and its shippers. You know, Dramione promotes racism, sexism, classism, unhealthy and abusive relationships, it’s all about bashing Ron, it’s just cuz actors are hot, we should all pay homage and tribute to canon relationships (and their shippers naturally), and offer respect and fawn over everything “canonical” for gracing us with all this HP bounty, and so on. This time I am not going to try to offer rebuttals, or deconstruct their arguments, or even psychoanalyze them more than absolutely necessarily. I am not even particularly upset about them (anymore). They are categorically wrong, their arguments are never insightful or thoughtful. Most importantly, they are disingenuous in their argumentation and especially about their own motives. I believe, the best course is ignore them totally. What I am afraid, that these endless arguments, relentless belittling, and even harassment of which they never seem to grow tired off actually might change Dramione shippers and community as well. Not in a conscious way, but constantly being on a defense can make people internalize some of these arguments. Or rather their premises and assumptions on which they are based upon. I don’t mean it, that Dramione shippers will suddenly wake up, and shout out that Dramione was actually all about abusing women all along, or anything like that. What I mean is, that people rather internalize certain assumptions, framing and logic chains, which are build into those arguments. In a defense, they start define what Dramione really means, what is ideal Dramione, what is acceptable or desirable in Dramione fics, in accordance of these attacks, by unconsciously defending their ship from slander. As an example, Romione people constantly accuse that Dramione is either all about mindless “Ron bashing”, and Dramione shippers rightly say that it’s not what Dramione is about at all. What I am afraid, that people might internalize the point, that “Ronbashing” is something truly heinous, and what should be avoided at all cost. And as a corollary to that, ideal Dramione fics are those in which there’s no conflicts between Ron, Draco and Hermione. Or the very least they are resolved in a conciliatory and harmonious manner. Or it is lazy Dramione writing, when Ron is “villainized”. Or another thing they say is, that Dramione just about glorifying and eroticizing abusive relationships. This might lead that some of us accept the framing, that describing or narrating something is totally same as promoting and celebrating it. If they accept it, then it’s quite easy to logically infer, that if Dramione is not defined by Draco abusing Hermione (it’s not), then it must be defined negatively as its opposite. Meaning that something cannot be genuine or accepted Dramione, if it contains an abusive Draco. Or as an induction from that, if a fic has an abusive Draco, it also must contain a redemption arc, and Draco has to change and make amends, and redeem himself as a person. That we start to define Dramione being really about redemption or redeeming, forgiveness, changing oneself for the better, etc (as contrary to their claim that its about abuse). Don’t get me wrong, I’d say the majority of Dramione fics contain a redemption story arc, and Draco either has changed or actively changes his views and behavior. It’s a common and wonderful theme, and almost all my favorite Dramione fics have those, and I like just for its own skae. Yet it’s not something what either makes or unmakes Dramione. There’s a minority of fics, in which Draco is never truly redeemed (usually a lust-filled obsession, with many many cognitive dissonances, which he never solves), and they are as Dramione as anything else, and some people enjoy writing them and some people reading them (or at least some of them). Also, a lot of gray areas, which can be quite delightful, thought inspiring and invigorating (and hot!).  Speaking for myself, I’d say maybe 1/20 of my favorite fics have this dynamic or something close to it. Maybe 33% are more in that gray area. It doesn’t do any harm, there’s nothing ethnically wrong about it, I never idolize that behavior. If Romione stans have problem with that, they can go away, cry and tell that Rupert Grint body pillow all their troubles, because I don’t give a damn. People don’t emulate or model their behavior or preferences from YA fanfics or smut in that sense in any significant numbers. If someone does, I am sorry to say, but you probably weren’t going to make it anyway. It’s the irl version of getting a comedy death in a video game, like if a smarter-than-average mushroom hypnotizes you and makes you walk into a bottomless pit, or something like that. Your problems are deep seated and numerous, which unless dealt with, will be triggered by just about anything. Its pure happenstance whether it will be Harlequin novels, Dramione fanfiction, urban legend your cousin told you, or whatever. This could go on, but seriously, Dramione shippers have nothing to prove or even argue with those antis. It’s just bottomless pit of resentment, what they twist into moral arguments, which they think will signify us as the worst kind of people, and they themselves as the most virtuous. Their antipathies are petty and personal concerns, in which they feel like the universe and the abominable cabal of Dramione shippers have cheated them out of all that attention, writers, fans, fics, and deference they feel entitled to. It’s natural for humans to cloak often even most pettiest and nonsensical slights and resentments into whatever moral or ethical language and arguments the society they live holds sacred. If we would be living in the 1600s, they’d be scouring the Bible for anti-Dramione arguments, and denouncing Dramione as unchristian and sinful. By their stated “moral standards”, there are a lot more “vile” and “harmful” ships out there, but they aren’t functionally bothered by them at all. So, unless really prompted, they don’t even bother to denounce them, little alone wage this never-ending crusade against them. That’s because they aren’t popular enough to trigger that envy and resentment (Hermione with basically any of the worst Death Eaters). Or they feel that they don’t compete in the same niche as their ship does (Drarry as an example). I wouldn’t be writing this, if this discourse with Antis hadn’t affected me as well. There was a time, I wanted to understand what they were about, and I read a lot of their grievances and internal discussions. While reading I couldn’t help but to be on a defense all the time. Sort of refuting and counter-arguing against their points in my mind, while reading their diatribes (I tried to start a dialog couple of times, but I was always totally ignored, which I am thankful for them in retrospect). Conditioning myself with that for long enough, I did notice that I started to feel a bit hesitant about certain tropes and Dramione fics I hadn’t before. I was thinking about Dramione like a defense attorney, excepting to be attacked from all directions. It actually took me quite long to figure this out, and how the bile of HP fandom had in subtle ways affected my sense and tastes without my really noticing.

Anonymous submitted: P.S. I wrote that previous submission, and I have to add, that I am not trying to say this is happening or pointing any fingers at anybody. There’s perfectly good reasons to not like any Dramione fic, as a Dramione shipper, in which Draco is irredeemable or evil. There’s perfectly legitimate reasons to prefer fics, which Ron is portrayed as a positive influence for Dramione. People can arrive to same conclusions or tastes from countless different routes and reasons. The negativity that the HP fandom and Romione shippers especially grace us just got to me in a way, that I wasn’t even cognizant about. It might be the case for others as well, if their own self-reflection so deems (or not).

------------------------

I agree with every point you’ve made. While it’s obviously okay to discuss why you like Dramione (or any other pairing), people also need to remember that they don’t have to justify why they ship Draco and Hermione together or prove (especially to haters as they’re not worth anyone’s time) that their OTP makes sense because even if it makes no sense whatsoever, it’s still fine to ship it as long as you can differentiate between fantasy and reality. I don’t know about you, but when I started shipping Dramione, it was like love at first sight. I didn’t think if they made sense, didn’t spend hours trying to make a list of arguments for Dramione, I just suddenly loved the idea of them together, believed they belonged together, and that was and still is enough. I don’t need to justify why I ship them, and neither does anyone.

It’s true that in most Dramione fics, Draco gets redeemed. It’s also true that most shippers prefer fics in which Draco gets a redemption arc, but we have to remember that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying fics in which Draco’s irredeemable or his relationship with Hermione is toxic. I myself read such stories from time to time. I like a good Ron bashing fic every now and then as well, and there’s nothing wrong with that either because it’s all fantasy, it’s all fiction, which, I believe, most Dramione shippers are aware of and accept. Hopefully, it won’t change, and no one will ever try to tell others what should and shouldn’t be written or what is and what’s not allowed in a Dramione fic.

- AgnMag

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #461

“this city looks so pretty, do you wanna burn it with me?”

Have you ever wanted a Nikon camera? Or do you have one already? My camera before the one I have now was a Nikon D3200. I use a Canon now. Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? A friend. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I have it, but I barely use it nowadays. I use it to edit photos for character profiles or profile pictures, add a watermark for my actual photography, and I used to make Mark-oriented gifs like crazy. They mostly did really well, so... I might wanna get back into that and get That Sweet Validation. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? No. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? None, I think. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression. Can you tolerate children for a long period of time? NO. Have you ever lived with someone you felt thoroughly uncomfortable around? No. Are you into dubstep? Yeah, I tend to enjoy it. Zelda or The Sims games? Can I pick neither? lol I don't feel very much at all for The Sims, and Zelda games have always looked... boring to me? Like I've watched most of the Game Grumps' playthroughs of all the games, and they make it hilarious of course, but the games themselves? Nah. Are you terrible at assigning bands their proper genre? YES YES YES YES YES YES. Even in my preferred category, that being metal, FUCK if I know the sub-genre. Have you ever made out in a closet? No, that shit sounds claustrophobic as hell. Have you ever been to a laser tag place? Yeah, on a triple-date once! It was SO fun. How do you wanna celebrate your next birthday? Have a couple friends over, pig out at The Cheesecake Factory. o3o Do you tease your parents about them being old? No, especially not Mom. She's self-conscious about getting older. Are you in love with someone? "In love" is a bit too far, buddy. But I love someone. Have you ever ridden a unicycle? No. Have you ever wanted a pet bunny? I was VERY serious about getting a lop-eared bunny for quite a while, but we just couldn't afford to adopt one (even off Craigslist) and get a cage for it, toys, etc. Are the bottom of your feet clean? I HATE seeing the bottom of my feet. Not because they're dirty, but because it's Callus City. I ain't even fuckin jokin'. Do you like really salty food? Yeah. :x When’s the last time you bled a lot? Well, I just recently finished my cycle after not menstruating for three or four MONTHS, so you can figure that one out. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? Yeah. I like to know exactly when it's coming. Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes to both. When you’re done eating finger foods, do you usually lick your fingers? Usually kasdjlf;kalsdjf shut up ok I like food. What’s the most racist thing you have ever said? As a little kid, when my really good friend (a neighborhood kid, even) asked if he thought we'd be a good couple, I told him no because "blacks and whites don't date" or something like that. It was an idea I'd never been exposed to before; the idea was so foreign to little kid me. I had no idea I was being racist. It ended in a small fight and we didn't talk for a few days 'til he came to my house telling Mom that he had to "be a man" and fix this and if that ain't the cUTEST SHIT RIGHT THERE. We were friends again after that. He's still on my Facebook, and he actually semi-recently got married! :') Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? No. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Does weed smell good? Or no? Ugh, no. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? Successful and happy she kept pushing. Mama to so many reptiles that are blessed with the best lives possible in human care. Got at least one amazing book out there. If she's reading this, you've fucking got this. <3 Would you like to have twins? Mother of fucking god, no. Even if I WANTED kids, do fucking not give me twins. Who was the last person you got into an argument with? My mom. Want to have kids before you’re 30? Once again, I don't want kids, but IF I did, that'd be preferable before the risk of birth defects and other issues climb with age. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My older sister has my initial. Do you think somebody’s in love with you? No. Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? Yes, I genuinely do. Who were the last people to hang out at your house? Miss Tobey, our friend and landlord. Does anyone like you? Welp... I hope he still does. Guess we'll figure that out soon. What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? VIA Facebook? Probably my friend Lyndsey. She likes to comment on stuff I share. Do you want to fall in love? I do, but I'm also utterly horrified to and risk being hurt again. Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? No. Once I realized I was so deeply into Girt, all other romantic feelings kinda just... poofed. How was your last break up? Civil and done with both of our best interests in mind. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say? Probably the first time I admitted I needed to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was so, so scared of what it was going to be like. What is the hardest thing you NEEDED to hear? That if Jason wasn't happy with me, he had every right to move on. She was right. Do you treat yourself well? No... but I'm trying to change that. What was the last song you sang out loud to? This "Set Fire to the Rain" cover. Do you take good pictures? I think I do? Have you ever done any internship? No. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? Holy shit, so much, especially when it comes to morality and political stances. I am now a massive supporter and member of the LGBTQ+ community, I'm pro-trans rights, pro-choice... I've done like a dozen 180s in a lot of topics. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? I mean, some doctors, but no one in my truly personal life. Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Yes: my cousin. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? LAKSDJFKLA;JWD NEVER AND I PRAY TO THE HOLY LORD THAT I NEVER DO. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not massively? Like literally everyone gets them and is natural and inevitable. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? I know one alcoholic, and one that's probably borderline. I also have two friends who are extremely addicted to weed. Look me in the eyes and say it's not an addictive substance and I wouldn't believe you one bit. Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? Eh, sometimes World of Warcraft. Some days I'm really into it, and others I barely touch it. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have no clue. I don't even remember movies that were made *for* Disney exclusively. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. We have a friend from the dance studio mow the lawn. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? My iPod has a whole live album of Ozzy. Did you or do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Both did and do. Britney is a boss bitch. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Male. Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? No, but I've seen some of that P!nk music video of the song and it brings out the Gay in me. Do you have a key to anything besides your house? No. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I've done that before. I miss doing puzzles... Have you ever been to any sort of convention? I went to a reptile expo with Sara!! I REALLY want to go to another when my legs are stronger and can handle standing and walking so much. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom. Have you ever tried to walk on a moving vehicle and fallen over? No????? What is your favourite kind of bread? Is there any of that in your house? Pumpernickel. No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I played the flute all through middle school and I wanna say half of HS. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? Never even been to one. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? I think once for some reason I don't recall? What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men, probs. Or chocolate bunnies!!! :') How do you feel right now? My stomach is KILLING me. I'm super excited though that Girt is coming over tomorrow. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. What would you like your generation to change? How we treat nature. Is there anyone that you truly could not live without? No. I learned that is a very unhealthy mentality to have. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I just hate carrots. What restaurant did you last go out to dinner at with friends? With friends? I couldn't even guess. Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays? It has an ice maker. Do you have a favorite sibling, if any? No; I love them all. Do you have a favorite brand of clothing? I STAN CLOAK. How’s the love life? Something new might start tomorrow. I think it will. Do you watch the news? No; that shit is depressing. Who do you admire most? Mark. Do you have a favorite album? Black Rain by Ozzy Osbourne takes the cake and always will.

[love-killed-the-superstar]

i finally finished cass week!! its been lots of late nights but so much fun. thank you everyone whos been reading these. tonight i have some real good cassunzel/unknighted dream content for yall, so enjoy if that’s your thing

CASSANDRA APPRECIATION WEEK DAY 7 - FINALE

How is one supposed to feel, showing up at their girlfriend's wedding to somebody else?

Cassandra has been through the whole spectrum of emotions in the run up to it all. There's been joy, of course, and in abundance – these are her best friends, taking that next important step in their lives. While she... takes her own next step. Alone.

She has poured over detailed illustrations Rapunzel sent her in letters of the various wedding patterns she's considered. It's amazing how much input Cass has had in the whole thing, considering it isn't even her wedding, especially when also factoring in the distance between them. She's helped pick out the flavour of punch while hunched over a campfire on a cold night; she's backed up Rapunzel's desire to forego shoes, even in the royal cathedral, in her underthings while her clothes hung up to dry after she got caught in a flash flood.

Half the time it doesn't feel like her place, and she withholds her opinion. Or she'll write back something along the lines of 'you should ask your future husband, not me'. But then Rapunzel counters that with 'well, you're like my future wife, so your opinion is equally important'. And... well, that just leads to other emotions that are even harder for her to deal with.

The flip side of the coin is the disappointment she feels, knowing that Rapunzel can only marry one person and Eugene is the clear winner, in both the royal family's favour and the court of public opinion. After all, who would come to a wedding where the princess marries the very person that nearly destroyed the kingdom? Cassandra can't fault Rapunzel for making the choice to marry Eugene; he was in Rapunzel's life first, he's begrudgingly grown on the people of Corona despite his shady past, and during the mess that she caused he stepped up and took responsibility. He loves her. He'll do anything for her.

She's happy for them, really. But the whole situation still feeds back into this complex she's worked so hard to overcome these last couple years. Marriage just a... a ceremony, a piece of paper, a legal contract. A wedding is a big, over-dramatic party that she would never in a million years want to take part in anyway. And hasn't she always told herself, since she was an angry little kid rolling her eyes at the Day of Hearts' puppet show, that romance, matrimony, all that bullshit, is something she's never wanted for herself?

It's petty, plain and simple, to have such a sting of jealousy at the idea of Rapunzel and Eugene marrying. They deserve their happy ending! More than anybody! Cass will just... have to figure out a way to be okay with that. Chasing destiny on the open road is her happy ending anyway, and that's no life for a... what would she even be? Princess consort? Duchess?

...Fine. She doesn't need a title or status to be happy. So much of her identity has been clinging to words other people might use to describe her and it can only end if she wishes it so.

All the same – it would be nice, just for a day, if she could be Rapunzel's bride.

…

Cass doesn't mean to show up late to the ceremony, although she's sure that Lance will slide up and make some comment at the reception anyway. Maybe she just didn't want to get up that morning. Maybe it's because she stayed up late last night, camping out at the lagoon, thinking about the vows they took all those years ago. After all, wasn't that modelled after a private wedding, between the two rulers who bound their kingdoms together? A marriage that is recognised in Corona's history books? By extension, aren't her and Rapunzel already married, in their own way?

That should be enough.

By the time Fidella and Owl rouse her, their casual annoyance morphing into urgency as the sun rises higher in the sky, she already knows she won't make it on time. She won't even have time to change, after Rapunzel spent weeks pestering her for her clothing measurements to have an appropriate outfit tailored. Thankfully, Raps knows her well enough not to commission a dress.

Cass rides like she's never ridden before, determined to get there before the vows. What will Rapunzel and Eugene think of her if they look out to the pews and see she isn't there, after all she's done to convince them she's fine with it all? She promised herself, the moment she held the pale lilac wedding invitation in her hands six months prior, that she wouldn't ruin their big day for them. Even if she shows up with windswept hair and yesterday's travelling clothes on, she has to be there, cheering them on.

With her and Fidella's combined determination they make the journey from the lagoon to the castle walls in record time. Standing at the gate, she purses her lips in annoyance as Stan and Pete, in a frustrating display of competence, ask for proof of ID and her invitation.

“Stan, Pete, this is ridiculous. You know me. You've known me since I was a kid.”

“Sorry, Cassandra,” Stan says sagely, as she begrudgingly hands over her Corona citizen identification card. “Rules are rules, and this is a big day for the princess.”

“Besides, we need to be on the lookout for shapeshifters,” Pete adds on, holding her invitation to the light to search for the subtly printed Corona emblem on the paper. “It's a recent thing we've been told to watch out for. A couple years ago there was an incident at the goodwill festival, see.”

“Pete, that was also me,” Cass says flatly.

“Never can be too careful,” he sighs, shaking his head. “Captain's orders and all. We good here, Stan?”

“Yup, everything looks legitimate. Welcome back to Corona, Cassandra!” Stan says, reverting back to his cheerful disposition.

“I am going to kill Eugene for this. Figuratively, of course.”

Stan motions for the gates to open, and as they do, a narrow stream of what looks to be wine rushes past Fidella's hooves. She moves aside slightly, snorting a little in confusion.

“Eww,” mutters Pete, exchanging a confused look with Stan before clearing his throat. “Well, you'd better hurry to the wedding if you don't want to miss the vows!”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Cass wrinkles her nose a little at the trail of wine leading across the bridge, eyes widening as it becomes apparent that there is much more where that came from. As the gates swing shut once again, Cass wonders to herself what the fuck they have just walked into.

The whole kingdom looks to be a mess. There are lanterns flying everywhere, and between them there are doves. Passing through the lower town, it looks like there's been some sort of roof collapse at the old tar works, and the stream of wine gradually becomes a shallow river. Fidella does her best to step around the mess, but it's nearly impossible; even the houses lining the street have been doused. At this rate, the reception will be an extremely sober affair.

Cass picks her way through the winding streets leading up to the palace, passing by a few torn up carts selling imitation merchandise of Rapunzel's wedding attire. She can't help but scoff at the broken shoe cart. As if Raps would wear shoes, even to her own wedding.

The crowd, all dressed in their Sunday bests, look shaken to their cores when she finally reaches the courtyard. The tables that were laid out for the reception are overturned, there is soup everywhere, and no one knows quite what to do with themselves.

She approaches a guard, looking flustered as he tries to set a nearby table upright, and asks, “Uh, what happened here?”

“Some – some horse burst through in a frenzy,” he explains, shaking like a leaf. “It, uh, from a distance it kinda looked like Maximus.”

Cassandra's brow furrows. “Is everything okay?”

“There are no reports of a disturbance in the throne room,” the guard continues. “But as you can see, the decorations have all been tarnished.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Look, I won't keep you, I just need access to the throne room. I have an invitation here, signed by the princess...”

After an excruciating second ID check (she was seriously going to maim Eugene for introducing this ridiculous 'shapeshifter' check) Cass is granted access to the venue, and figuring it's probably best not to draw attention to her tardiness, she slips in through one of the side entrances, with its door propped open to let in some cool air on such a hot day.

Cass hops down from Fidella's back, scratching the side of her head affectionately as Owl swoops down to take her place. He hoots at her curiously.

“Yeah, I don't know what the fuck just went down either,” Cass whispers. “I'm sure we'll find out later. For now, let's just not make a scene?”

Fate has other plans, however. She makes it barely two steps past the doorway before almost being bowled over by a runaway eight-tier wedding cake.

“Woah!” she gasps, stepping out of the way just in time to avoid getting a face full of cake. She reaches around, gripping the sides of the trolley to try and keep it from rolling all the way outside. Fidella steps in to help, blocking the exit with her body, and Cass heaves a sigh of relief as the trolley grinds to a halt, the cake wobbling precariously for several painful seconds before stabilising. Owl hoots in victory and Cass exhales loudly.

“Oh thank god. That could have been a disaster.”

“...Hey, where's the cake?” a voice, unmistakably Eugene's, calls from beyond the edge of the corridor. Cass cringes. So much for quietly watching from the sidelines.

Steeling herself, she slips around the back of the trolley and with some effort, pushes it around the corner and into the throne room. There's an audible ripple of uncertainty through the pews, as the confused guests mutter to one another about why some windswept vagrant is wheeling out a cake that was already in position at the beginning of the ceremony. There's a hoot of laughter (definitely Lance) at Cassandra's dishevelled appearance, a sharp “is that Cassandra?” from three rows away (her dad's voice, for sure), and a few giggles she's guessing are coming from Kiera and Catalina's direction. She can't even bear to look at the king and queen.

Instead, she sees two figures in white. Eugene, looking proud as can be in his very expensive wedding garb that he bragged about to her in several letters... and Rapunzel, face framed by the soft lace veil behind her, looking so beautiful Cass could cry. Her surprise melts into pure glee, and if it weren't for the colossal cake in between, Cass knows Raps would be launching herself at her right then and there, present company be damned.

She passes Max and Pascal and almost chokes. That would explain the sorry state of the tar works' roof, at least. From somewhere behind, she hears Fidella stifle a snort of laughter.

“Well well well,” Eugene says, with a click of the tongue and a lopsided grin. “If it isn't our favourite little gatecrasher.”

It's his teasing, strangely enough, that helps her to find her voice in front of all these people. “Well geez, somebody had to stop this cake from rolling down the hill.”

…

The wedding reception ends up being less of a party and more of a clean-up operation after Max and Pascal's prior mischief, but when the venue has been tidied up and the main courses have been served, Cass slips away right as the king stands up to give a tearful toast. If she times it right she can change into the outfit Rapunzel has had tailored for her and return before the speech is concluded, no problem.

At this point, her room is basically an empty shell with a bed and a wardrobe, so it takes no time to lay out her new outfit ready. Glancing around the empty husk of a room while she starts to undress, Cass wonders when exactly Corona stopped feeling like her home. Maybe about the time she realised it was the people, not the place, that she gravitated back to time and time again?

The new suit doesn't look all too different to Eugene's, minus his father's sash. It's white, with similar detailing, and even some of the same gold accents on the collar. Cass blanches a little the longer she stares at it. God, she's going to look like she's trying to steal his thunder. On his fucking wedding day.

“Why did I let you do this, Raps?” she groans. She can't deny once wearing it, however, that it makes her look really good.

She stares at her reflection in the mirror on her closet door, trying for a smile. This whole situation feels bizarre, and she still can't stop thinking about how stunning Rapunzel looks in her wedding dress.

I wish she was marrying me instead.

The admission, even inside her head, is enough to make her growl in frustration, slap her forehead.

“Enough,” she grits out. “You are going to go out there and be supportive and happy for them because this is their day and you love them so much. Enough throwing yourself a pity party, Cass.”

With nothing else to say to herself, she ties back her hair, shaggier from her foregoing a haircut in quite some time, neatly plaiting it and securing it with a short piece of string from her satchel. Pulling a pair of white gloves on to tie the whole outfit together, she glares at her reflection for a few seconds to compose herself before heading back towards the venue.

“Looking dapper, Cass,” Lance mutters in greeting as she slides up beside him, trying to pretend that she hadn't slipped out in the middle of the king's big speech. He glances over at Eugene, sat beside Rapunzel at the front table reserved for the royals, and then back to her again. “Tell me, which one of you is the groom again?”

“Don't you dare draw anyone's attention to this, Lance. Raps has no idea how petty this makes me look to onlookers.”

He bursts out laughing, which quickly dissolves into a fake cough to deter the few people who turn to stare at him disapprovingly. “Haha, hmm. Uh, you know that was definitely intentional on her part, right? She wants you to feel included.”

“Included? I just feel like I'm third-wheeling a wedding.”

“Isn't that exactly what's happening?”

She groans quietly, before bursting into polite applause as the king embraces Rapunzel tightly and then raises his glass, before taking his seat. Edmund rises, and she can already see Eugene looking nervous at the weird shit he's about to start spouting to the unsuspecting audience.

“I came back here to support them, not to upstage Eugene at the after party.” She chews her lip. “Maybe I should change. D'you think I should change?”

“Look, Cass, Eugene knew about the matching suits ahead of time. If he had a problem with it he would have said something, believe me.” Lance grins and shakes his head. “I was just messing with you before about the third wheel stuff. You're their equal, don't you get that? This might as well be your day too.”

Cass pinches the bridge of her nose. “Don't say this stuff to me, Lance, or I'll seriously start feeling depressed. I need a drink. Is there any booze left, or is it all out on the street?”

“Unless they're planning on breaking out the communion wine, I think we're out of luck.”

“Damn it. Maybe I should just hide in the bathroom for the next six hours.”

As the toasts conclude, Rapunzel and Eugene are called to the dance floor for the first wedding dance. The orchestra rise as Arianna removes the train from Rapunzel's hair, and she and Eugene make their way to the centre of the venue with their hands clasped. Rapunzel's eyes search in the crowd as she walks, finally locking in on Cass as the conductor motions for the band to play.

“I love you,” Rapunzel mouths, and Cass weakly nods before losing Rapunzel's attention to the sweep of the music and the arms of her new husband.

…

“Cass!”

Rapunzel finds her on the steps, having put some distance between her and the rest of the party about an hour ago. After a couple hours of shit-talking bad dancers with Lance from the sidelines, catching up briefly with her father, and downing about a third of the punch bowl in an attempt to avoid conversations with people, Cassandra is all partied out.

Rapunzel's hair is mussed from hours of relentless dancing as she patters down the steps and flops down beside her, uncaring if the dust from foot traffic leaves a mark on the fabric.

“Hey, newlywed. You having a good time?”

“Of course! Oh, Cass, aren't the orchestra just wonderful? They play the classics, for my parents, but the upbeat stuff was a great surprise! When I'm queen, we'll dance like this at every function, mark my words!” The gleam in her eyes only brightens as she adds, “Besides... I keep stopping mid-step and thinking, I'm married now. I get to spend the rest of my life with Eugene. Isn't that just – just wonderful?”

“It is.” Cass offers her the warmest smile she can muster. “I'm so happy for you, Raps, really. You and Fitzherbert are going to have a great life.”

“All three of us are.” Rapunzel scoots closer and rests her head against Cassandra's shoulder. If only time could stop right now, Cass wishes silently, she wouldn't ask for anything ever again. “Cass, you are both my future. It's been so hard to find time to be with you today, and it's driving me crazy! You deserved to be up there with us today, you know?”

“But Corona law doesn't allow it,” Cass says softly, as if saying the words delicately will shelter her heart from fully feeling the weight of them. Rapunzel swallows and nods.

“Mhm. Yeah, it... it doesn't.”

She reaches for Cassandra's hands and squeezes them in her own. Cass can feel Rapunzel's wedding band dig slightly into her index finger, and tears spring to her eyes.

“Well,” she forces herself to say, “it's okay. If you had to marry either one of us, it should be Eugene. He's the more stable presence in your life, after all. He can help you keep this place afloat, while I – while I'm off travelling.”

“Let's not talk about this,” Rapunzel whispers, a pleading tone creeping in. “This... this should be a happy day for us, Cass! The start of something new!”

“You're right. Raps, this is a happy day. And – and I mean it, Rapunzel, I am so happy for you both. My best friends get to be happy together forever. Why wouldn't I be?”

She stands up quickly and holds her hand out, pulling Rapunzel to her feet. Rapunzel stares at her for a heartbeat, face clouded with some emotion too tumultuous to unpack in this moment, before reaching over and wiping a tear away as it spills over from Cass's eyes.

“I know you are.” Her face softens into a smile. “Hey, dance with me? Please?”

“I don't know, Raps...”

“Just one dance?” she asks, biting her lip. “I'm about ready to turn in, but... it wouldn't feel right if I didn't share at least one dance with the woman I love the most.”

“That's sweet of you. How will the man you love the most feel if I take the last dance?” Cass asks, quirking an eyebrow as Rapunzel begins tugging her up the steps by her wrist. “And your father, for that matter?”

“Oh, Eugene won't mind, silly,” Rapunzel laughs airily, marching them both towards the centre of the dance floor as other party-goers begin to stare. “And my father isn't dancing with you, I am.”

There are some whispers as they begin to dance slowly, stepping in time to a waltz; it's more of an open secret than anything, the way Rapunzel and Cassandra are with each other, but it still feels pretty brazen all the same. Cass is a bit rusty on her feet, having gone years since she last danced ballroom-style, but as she stares lovingly at Rapunzel's face, counting the smattering of freckles on her nose and seeing her own flustered face in Rapunzel's eyes, she realises it doesn't really matter. The steps are bullshit; everything is, except the hand clasped in hers and the other curled around the back of her neck.

Out of the corner of her eye Cass spies Lance, grin a mile wide, offering his hand out to Eugene. They start their own dance, a little clumsier, a little more comical than their own. Rapunzel giggles as they waltz past, Lance almost knocking into them as they spin.

“See? Eugene and Lance can make their own fun.”

Cass smiles back, exhaling slowly. There are still a few people watching with rapt interest: Queen Arianna, looking misty-eyed; Cassandra's father, fidgeting a little, his anxieties no doubt feeding off of the nervousness in Cass's own body language; a little girl she doesn't even know, clad in a waistcoat and pants, looking like she's seeing someone who mirrors herself for the first time. But as interest in their dance begins to wane, so do her fears.

“Dancing still isn't really my thing,” she confesses, as they begin to slow down. “It feels... awkward.”

“Oh.” Rapunzel pouts. “But, you know, gotta try everything once?”

“Of course. I can stand it if I'm with you.” She leans in to press a kiss to Rapunzel's forehead, but thinks better of it, leaning back again. “I, uh... yeah, it might be time for me to turn in, Raps.”

Rapunzel's smile fades a little in disappointment, but she nods. “Yeah. It's about time for us to leave too, so...”

“You're leaving tonight?”

“Yeah. No time like the present, right?” Rapunzel winds her arm around Cassandra's, clinging on as she calls over the din of the music. “Eugene! Are you ready?”

“Sunshine, I'll be right with you,” he calls back, in the midst of being dipped by Lance. Once he's back on his feet and says his goodbyes in a bone-crushing hug, he joins the two of them as they make their way to the edge of the dance floor.

“Is... is it okay for us to just leave like this?” Cass asks suspiciously. “You two don't need to make some kind of big announcement, or anything?”

“...Nah,” Eugene says after a long pause, exchanging a look with Rapunzel. “We can let the king and queen deal with that, right? Besides, the ship won't wait forever.”

Before Cass can protest further, Eugene slides up to the other side of her and links his arm in hers, and the two effectively march her down the steps and towards the docks.

“This is lovely and all, but I can't help the feeling that you two are kidnapping me,” she points out, as the three of them march on in silence.

“What! No! We – we just think you should see the boat! It's really gorgeous, and there's apparently an ice sculpture on board,” Rapunzel gabbles, starting to wax poetic in her ear as Eugene stands on the other side of her, equally enthusiastic.

“And get this – they didn't screw up my nose this time!! That's a huge deal, you absolutely cannot miss it-”

This weird pimping of the boat continues as they follow the path down to the harbour, greeting a few puzzled guards on the way as they tag along for protection. Cass can't shake the feeling that something extremely weird is going on. Eugene and Rapunzel have been shooting her odd looks all day, and she thought it was because her complicated feelings were obvious to everyone around her, but as they get closer and the ship comes into view, it definitely feels like there's a bigger story than that.

The boat is beautiful – the wood is dyed a deep cherry red, and the sails are the same rich purple as the Coronan flag, complete with the golden sun crest. On board, true to their words, is an ice sculpture, but as she strains her eyes, the sculpture depicting the happy couple looks suspiciously like a happy throuple, instead.

“Raps... Eugene... what exactly is going on here?”

“Oh, you'll see,” Eugene says under his breath, while Rapunzel giggles gleefully and gives no further answer.

Trunks of their belongings are already being loaded onto the ship when they arrive, and Cass notices a familiar satchel and carry on pack nestled beside one of Rapunzel's cases.

“Are – are those my things? Guys, what is going on?”

Finally, the two of them release her arms and she takes a step back, eyes darting all over as she tries to comprehend what the fuck is happening right now.

“Cassandra,” Rapunzel begins, clasping her hands together joyfully, “we're boarding the ship for our honeymoon, and... we were hoping you would like to come with us.”

She stares. “...But why?”

“Why?” Eugene scoffs. “Why indeed, Cass, let me think. You're our best friend, you're in a relationship with my wife – something as intimate as a honeymoon doesn't just happen with two out of three when it comes to us, you understand?”

“But – but this wedding isn't for us, it's for you,” splutters Cass, still wondering if she knocked her head at some point and woke up in a parallel universe, where things like a honeymoon for three were commonplace. He rolls his eyes, hard.

“Cass, look at us. We're wearing the same freaking suit. You do the math.”

“And we had our own wedding dance,” Rapunzel chimes in. “Even if you didn't really like it.”

“All right, just... stop, okay? Give me a minute to think.” Cass is starting to feel dizzy. “I – I know you both love me – in different ways,” she adds sharply, as Eugene opens his mouth. “But this is... pretty crazy. Even for us. I mean, people will talk about this, guys.”

Rapunzel and Eugene exchange amused glances. “Cass, everyone who knows us knows, and everyone who doesn't have a pretty good guess about what goes on between us three,” Rapunzel says slowly. “You don't have to worry about that anymore, do you understand?”

“It's different now!” Cassandra protests, shaking her head in pure, unfiltered amazement. “You two are married now and it's – adulterous. Probably. Maybe even treasonous? God, my head hurts.”

“So it's not a cut and dry situation, that's fine!” Eugene throws up his hands in exasperation. “But damn it, Cass, you're acting like this is the end of days. If you stuck around more than a few days at a time, you'd realise that the people of Corona really don't care as much as you think they do.”

Cass opens and closes her mouth a few times, unsure of where to even start with protesting everything they've been saying to her. She loses the train of thought anyway once she lays eyes on Rapunzel, with a desperate look in her eyes as she watches Cass, fidgeting with her hands.

“Cass,” she says quietly, taking a tentative step forward, “we can't force you to come with us, but we would really like you to. So we can right this – this rigid law that stops us all from being happy.”

“...Okay, now you've definitely lost me.”

Rapunzel makes a frustrated noise in her throat, running her fingers back through her hair and resting both hands on the back of her neck, like she so often does when she's trying to think.

“Cassandra – once we are outside of Coronan waters, the laws don't apply anymore.”

“...And?”

Eugene half-laughs, half-coughs, and Rapunzel shoots him a pointed look before continuing more gently, “And, when we're out at sea, certain... marriage laws... don't apply either.”

She bites her lip, hoping this will be enough to get the gears turning in Cassandra's head, but she stares on blankly.

“Oh, for christ's sake!” Eugene slaps his forehead and pulls Cass along to stand beside Rapunzel, staring them both down with folded arms. “Cass, I don't know how many times we have to spell it out for you, but this has always been your wedding day too. If you want it to be, anyway.”

The words finally seem to hit home, and she stares between them with eyes as wide as a deer being stalked.

“What?” she squeaks.

“Cassandra, I have wanted to marry the both of you for as long as this has even been a conversation,” Rapunzel explains, and her voice shakes a little with her next words. “Of course this is crazy, everything we do together is crazy! And, Cass? If you don't want to get on the boat and do this... I'll accept that. But – but I hope, after all that we've been through together, that you want to be my wife as much as I want to be yours.”

Time moves slowly as the weight of these words sink in, and Cass glances between Eugene, who is beginning to look emotional just in the presence of this proposal, and Rapunzel, laying her heart on the line just to show Cass how much she matters.

“You'd really do that? For me?”

“With you,” Rapunzel corrects, mouth splitting into a grin as her eyes gloss over with tears. “Cass, I would sail to the ends of the Earth if it meant I could marry you when we get there.”

“Oh god,” Eugene says in a hushed voice. He turns away, hand over his eyes. “You're both killing me here.”

“Can it, Fitzherbert,” Cass says on instinct, before a laugh bubbles up from her throat. “Raps, I – what do I even say to that?!”

“Say yes already, oh my god!”

“Eugene!” Rapunzel shakes her head, giggling helplessly. “Sorry, proposals get to him.”

Cass gives a watery laugh. “I'll bet. What's he going to do when we actually get married, huh?”

Rapunzel blinks a few times, then gasps in delight. “So it's a yes?!”

All Cass can do is nod before Rapunzel throws herself at her, hugging her tight enough to choke. Even with all the oxygen being squeezed from her lungs, Cass feels like she can breathe for the first time all day.

There's the sound of a throat being cleared behind them, and they turn to see a guard looking a little awkward to interrupt.

“Excuse me. Um... the smaller bags, should we load them on the ship, or...?”

“Yes, you should,” Cass says, barely able to contain her cheer. “Wherever these two go, I'm going with them.”

The guard shrugs, quickly turning back to the remaining luggage, and Cass cups Rapunzel's jaw, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before hiding her face in the top of Rapunzel's hair.

“Aww, don't be shy! I loved that!” Rapunzel giggles, pulling her in closer. “I loved that so much. Wherever we go, you're coming too. Yep... that's going in my journal for sure.”

“No,” groans Cass, still giggling despite herself. “Please, no record of anything sappy I say ever again.”

“Too late. See, you should know by now, Cass. Everything mushy we ever say will be immortalised in our wife's notebooks for the rest of our lives,” Eugene sighs, slinging an arm around her. Cass nods, keeping close as they steer her towards the boarding plank.

Our wife. It feels too fucking good to be real.

“This isn't a dream, right?” she asks suddenly, as they're halfway up the plank. “This is really happening?”

“Of course it's real, art can't imitate life!” scoffs Eugene, looking a little offended. “This face can't simply be replicated in dreams, Cassandra.”

“No one is saying anything about your face, Eugene,” Rapunzel sighs, shaking her head fondly.

“You know what, Fitzherbert? You've got a point. If this were a dream your nose would be a totally different shape, for a start.”

“I don't get it! How hard can it be to draw somebody's nose in accurate proportion to their face?!”

As they take their first steps onto the boat and the plank is removed, they turn to see a few familiar faces have gathered. The parents have come to wave their children off, in a quiet moment of finality before the next chapter begins. Arianna waves to them, her aura simply overflowing with joy, Frederic watches on with a stiffer wave, clearly still coming to grips with what's about to happen once the boat leaves Corona. Edmund, stood off to the side, is loudly asking Hamuel why their good friend is tagging along for the journey.

A little further back, Cassandra's father watches on. Upon first glance, she freezes; Rapunzel's arm is still holding her in close, and she nods towards him, trying for a smile. He nods back, slowly at first, before raising his arms to wave.

He is called over by Arianna and sheepishly joins her, his eyes never fully leaving Cass as he does so. Overwhelmed, she glances down at Rapunzel, who is leaning with her head against her shoulder, still beaming and waving at her parents.

“My father knew about this, then?” she asks quietly. Rapunzel shrugs, a shy smile on her face.

“I know we don't need it, but I wanted his blessing. I wanted him to know that you're loved, and you're gonna live a long life and be okay.”

The regal trill of trumpets fill the air, as the small cluster of guards on the dock stand to attention. A few words are read from a prepared scroll, carried away by the ocean breeze before Cass can hear, and then suddenly they're moving. The faces of their parents are growing smaller, the stretch of ocean growing larger, and Cass exhales shakily before turning to Rapunzel and Eugene.

“I think I'm going to puke,” she confesses.

“What?!” squeaks Rapunzel, alarmed.

“Well, now would be a terrible time to tell us you get seasick,” Eugene jokes, clapping her on the back. “Seriously though. You okay?”

“I'm fine. I just... realised how much of what was said happened in front of all those strangers. And then our parents. God, I'm gonna jump.”

“Yeah, no jumping,” Eugene says firmly, tugging her away from the boat's edge by her shoulders. “How long until we're out of Coronan waters.”

“Less than an hour.” The tremors are back in Rapunzel's voice again.

“And there are... aha! Three hours until the clock strikes midnight. You're in luck, ladies. If we play our cards right, this day will go down in history as both our anniversaries. How's that sound, huh?”

“Sounds like everything I've dreamed of,” Rapunzel sighs, melting against Cass. “Doesn't it feel good just to be here and not having to hide it?”

“I mean, we're embarking with a very small crew for a private ceremony outside of Coronan waters,” Cass points out. “Feels pretty hidden to me.”

Rapunzel pouts. “Ah, you're right.”

“You know... I think it's better this way. I wouldn't want it to be some public affair anyway,” Cass says quickly. “But yeah, this still feels like I'm in some sort of fever dream.”

“Want me to pinch you to be sure?”

“If you pinch me I will kill you. And hey, what was all this about a shapeshifter check at the gates, huh, Fitzherbert? I missed your wedding vows just so you could mess with me?!”

“Oh, that. I thought it would be funny!”

The ship sails off, disappearing into the evening sky, and even as she's bickering with Eugene and being held back by an exasperated Rapunzel, Cass can't help believing that this might be the start of her own happily ever after, after all.

[alittlefrenchtree]

Armie Hammer & Fans

Working title was : Why I think Armie doesn’t love his fans and why I’m okay with that but I figure I didn’t need to be that provocative. And, when I say doesn��t love, I don’t actually mean hate or despite, only that I think he hasn’t any particular huge feelings towards fans of his — so not point of using the first title.

Here is why.

PART I -- YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND FANS UNLESS YOU ARE ONE YOURSELF

Every time I become fan of someone (it has happened quite a few times over the past 25 last years), I’m always interested to see if they are fans themselves or not. And I’m not talking about fans like ‘I-love-this-movie-so-much-I-saw-it-three-times’, I’m talking about crazy-over-the-top-freaks who knows everything about everything, spent thousand of hours talking about everything, create, wait hours on a red carpet, travel hundreds of miles, turned fandom-mutuals into lifetime friends… like most us down here. My opinion is that you can’t understand how important it feels unless you’ve been here yourself because I don’t think anybody (and certainly not self-deprecating Armie) is full of himself enough to really understand what it means and what they represent for fans. And why is it important ? Because it highlights behavior in different ways. (side note : parallels with Timmy aren’t for saying who’s better than who between but because they’re radically different on that level and I know everybody knows what I’m talking about when I take Timmy as an example). My point is, when Timmy saw people waiting and freezing on a red carpet or stan accounts on social media, he knows who much even the smallest gestures can meant for people on the other side, because he has been (still is on some levels) there. Armie hadn’t. He doesn’t even understand why people are happy to take a selfie with him if it the only thing they get. I don’t think he realize how much difference in people happiness he makes when he’s giving and when he’s not.

PART II -- BACKGROUND

I haven’t real proofs for what I’m going to say in this part but I do think the more wealthy you are, the less chances you have to become a fan yourself or to understand the phenomenon. I guess having money take a little bit of the fascination for rich, famous people away — but mostly because you evolve on the same circles. Armie being a Hammer, I guess he has occasionally see and hear about « famous » people (in various areas) while growing up (and during his whole life), preventing him again for fully understanding that kind of relationship between known people and fans. I don’t think you can become fan of someone you already know. And, while he certainly haven’t met every artist he admires yet, I think he has quite early in his life seen and been around enough to not idealize/idolize people or understand how people could do that and, on the contrary, be quite suspicious about them.

PART III -- THE TRUST ISSUE

Again, no proofs, just theories based on what makes sense to me. Given the shape of his career (and his general personality/ lack of self esteem), I think he may have trust issue towards fans. He said it himself, there were several times during his career where people has said to him « this is your moment, this is your time ». I guess fans had told him, after The Social Network, before Lone Ranger or before Man From Uncle, that they loved him and his work and were fan of his. I’m not saying they were lying or that he thinks they were lying. I’m only saying that, if he had sometimes considered fans as a whole instead of as many individualities, he may has thought, at these particular times of his career, that fans (in general) had let him down. I’m not blaming anybody on box-office flops I’m just trying to explain what it may feels like to be a lead or one of the leads and see that kind of situation happened in more than one occasion. Again, I’m not saying that Armie is resentful towards fans because of that. If it’s true, maybe he isn’t even aware of these feels. But I think because he feels like he can’t trust people as audience and support, he may have shift his priorities and his focus and what he thinks is important. Maybe he doesn’t really feel like investing himself for people who may come and go in the blink of a eye.

PART IV -- « I DON’T THINK HE’S ARROGANT. I THINK HE’S SHY. » (thanks Papa for the quote)

Here, in France, we have a singer called Emmanuel Moire. I’m not a fan of his but I listen to a few of his interviews (because he’s very sweet and his story is very sad) and I remember him saying that, before coming-out to his fans, he didn’t feel like he was really connecting with them (and certainly not like he’s doing it now, after the coming-out). DON’T YELL AT ME, this isn’t me saying that Armie’s gay (my vision of sexuality is not trivial enough to be explain with labels). My point is, when you aren’t fully true to yourself or when you’re hiding, it’s harder to connect with people, especially with people who love you. It’s harder to accept love when you don’t love yourself in the first place. Why am I saying that Armie isn’t fully true to himself ? Because Armie said it himself.

I’ve had conversations before with Guadagnino where he discusses actors, and it’s uncanny how well he can zero in on the locus of a star’s appeal, laying bare what makes that actor tick. It’s more than just a party trick: Guadagnino is simply that good at reading people. I wondered, then, if he had ever analyzed Hammer to his face. “I think he knows that if he would describe me to me, it would crush me,” Hammer said with a laugh. “He’s never even tried, and I’m so appreciative.” [Source]

 PART V -- A RELATIONSHIP THAT NEEDS TO GROW

…and to grow under the right circumstances.

We know Armie basically hates everything that is linked to being famous. He doesn’t particularly enjoy doing promo. He doesn’t like having to do fittings for new clothes every 3 seconds (the guy own 1 suit, 1 pair of new balance and two sweaters, after all), he doesn’t like awards shows or selfies and his love-hate relationship with social media isn’t really helping either. I don’t know where exactly he puts fans in all of that but I think that, as much as he enjoys the recognition and knowing people enjoy his work, the concept itself of having fans as he probably sees it, isn’t something he digs very much. But relationships between artists and fans aren’t things set in stone. Like any relationship, they need to grow and to be built. Best example I’ve got here, is Jensen Ackles. When Jensen has started to do fan cons, he was so shy and uncomfortable with the whole thing but, through the course of the years, he learned a lot (partly thanks to Jared Padalecki first and then Misha Collins, so I’m kinda hoping Timmy will do the same with him during sequel time) by meeting people, sitting with them and hearing their personal stories. And now he’s a master at fan cons. I think Armie would enjoy meeting fans if he wasn’t meeting them as fans but as people. Having a chat, grabbing a beer. Exactly like he said in that GQ interview. And maybe it’s the only point for which I think he could do better if he’s willing to. Because first, he needs to understand that (even he can’t wrap his mind around it) it’s fucking terrifying and mind blowing for fans to meet him and that if some encounters are a little bit awkward, it’s because most fans try to be quick and not bother people too much when they’re meeting someone famous. Second, because he’s also up to him to create the good opportunities for these kind of moments. Like that plane girl with Timmy. I would love for Armie to have something like that (minus the full report on twitter and the headlines would have shadow the whole experience for him (maybe for Timmy too)). Maybe not in economic, because, well, he’s Armie Hammer, but something like that nevertheless. It probably won’t happen anytime soon, because of everything I just wrote but I think it would be good for him. And he has time.

Ok, now I’m dead on my feet so I don’t even know if any of this is making any sense. I’m crossing fingers. I’ve probably forgotten a lot of important stuff so expect a lot of yelling from me to me and a lot of reblogs to add things in the next few days. If I’ve been unclear with something, please let me know ;-).

[softhaos]

RAPID EYE MOVEMENT

pairing – wen junhui x reader genre – humor + acting major!junhui + sorta tom and jerry relationship i guess description – it’s another day and another attempt to take pictures of junhui and get a good grade in photography class. alternatively, junhui plays you once again and you remain a dumbass. warning – some not-so-heavy insults here and there word count – 3,380 words author’s note – this wasn’t supposed to see the light of day until i published the long ass introduction to jun’s route but i did it anyway pls enjoy uwu

set in the victorious universe | can be read as a standalone

“The grades were distributed evenly this time, so pairing up is going to be simple: Asshats form a duo with Bitches. Cocksuckers, get yourself a Dickhead as a partner,” Seungkwan hollers.

You frown as you see the big fat ‘C’ at the top right-hand corner of your evaluation sheet. You had a relatively good feeling about your acting abilities at the last evaluation test but looking back at it, you start to share the opinion that your performance was average at best. Some gestures were forced, your expressions were exaggerated and your voice was strained at times. It takes you a sideways glance to see that you’re not the only one who overestimated themselves this time.

“Cocksucker,” Mingyu mouths at you before he runs his fingers through his hair; an act of exasperation he does out of habit instead of letting his frustration show on his face.

It takes you a second before the light bulbs go on in your head. You wonder why nobody has complained that Seungkwan, who is the TA and younger than the majority of students in this class, substitutes letters for unoriginal insults. Isn’t this what they call abuse of power? This definitely is an abuse of power. However, nobody doesn’t really seem to mind, even the ones who passed the evaluation with flying colors.

It’s quite easy to identify the grades the other people got. It’s a little hard to distinguish the B students from the C students, but whereas the B students let a hint of satisfaction linger on their faces for a while longer, the C students are either glad they didn’t rank in the worst grade or are simply frustrated. You and Mingyu fall into the latter. Pure mortification coats the faces of the D students and everything else, meaning happiness or the just-as-expected look, are the expressions of the A students.

Junhui is an A student, so he falls into the category Asshat.

His reaction is barely visible, it’s nothing more than a slight twitch of the corners of his mouth before he busies himself in cheering up an extremely whiny Seokmin. Yeah, he definitely is one of the Dickheads today.

You admit a C is totally fine. Given that it was your first evaluation test in the past few months and it’s still the beginning of the new semester, a C is a good starting point. There’s a lot of room for improvement and–

Who are you kidding, you hate that you delivered an average performance. And with Seungkwan’s restriction that as a C student, you must take a D student for the next assignment, you hate it even more. It’s not that you don’t want to work with someone who did even worse than you did, but you had the perfect scenario planned out in your head to prepare for Professor Jang’s assignment and emerge victoriously.

You still haven’t forgiven Junhui for playing you the last time and you never will unless you get your justice and get a good shot of him for your portfolio. It’s sad how you worry more about passing the subject you’re minoring in instead of the one you’re majoring in. But it’s Professor Jang after all, and you rather resort to more unethical morals than crushing under her agonizingly high standards to even get a satisfactory grade.

If it weren’t for Seungkwan and his stupid grade restriction, you would’ve called the dibs on Junhui, work with him for the next partnered assignment and secretly take pictures of him to throw into your portfolio and shove up Professor Jang’s face, since she absolutely adores him. At least there is a tiny loophole to pass her classes with ease. Bless Junhui’s impressive history as a child actor back in China. Maybe not bless him completely though, just a quarter. You’d rather throw him off a cliff first until you get a goddamn picture of him.

“Ah, I’m fucked,” you huff and carelessly drop the sheet on your desk.

“Being a cocksucker isn’t the end of the world,” Mingyu starts and you’re quick to cut him off.

“Don’t ever, ever use ‘cocksucker’ in that context again. And no, I wasn’t referring to my grade. Okay, it has a little to do with it but I am fucked in a sense of I can’t partner up with Jun–”

“I see where this is going.” Mingyu shakes his head and adds, “Don’t break your head about photography class too much. It isn’t even your major!”

“But it’s Professor Jang! I have every right to stress about my minor. Plus, I still need my payback after that stunt Junhui pulled on me.”

“As if it was that bad.”

“I snuck onto Professor Jang’s computer and found her stan twitter and Tumblr account. Not to forget her old ao3 account where she posted Marvel and Haikyuu fanfics. If that doesn’t sound like a traumatic experience to you then I don’t know anymore,” you deadpan. This isn’t supposed to spread amongst the students because you are certain, at one point someone is going to find out that it was you who found out and then Professor Jang is going to give you literal hell.

Also, you really don’t want to recall any of Professor Jang’s writings from back when she was still a student. (It’s not that her writing was bad, but her writing fanfiction out of all things is the last thing you expected from her.)

“Oh.” is everything Mingyu can fire back with.

You sigh and focus on the problem at hand. If you can’t secretly take pictures of Junhui at a convenient setting, then you’d have to either wait for a new opportunity like this or actually resort to borderline stalking him. As handsome as he is (of course you admit that, everyone can agree that he is indeed a very handsome guy) you don’t want to stoop as low as some other photography students who really go through with the latter for the sake of Professor Jang. But then again, doesn’t taking snapshots of him without his consent also count as stalking?

No, it’s all for a good cause. One picture never killed anybody before, not at this university, that is.

You’re so immersed in your thoughts that you don’t realize someone is standing in front of you until they tap your shoulder. You flinch and look up to a smiling and visibly calmer Seokmin.

“Hey, are you still free for a partner? I mean, only if you’re a C student. I’m sorry if you’re not one. It’s just, I overheard Mingyu saying that being a C student isn’t the end of the world and he directed it at you and–”

Before Seokmin ultimately becomes a tongue-tied mess, you say, “Sure.”

A wave of relief washes over Seokmin but his happiness fades away the moment Mingyu decides to butt in. “Good luck with Y/N’s current state. Y/N will need at least a week to cool down and focus on the assignment instead of complaining about not being Jun’s partner.”

You snap your head at Mingyu, staring him down with your what the actual fuck look and hastily defend yourself. “I swear, it’s not as bad as he makes it out to be! The context in this is so wrong–”

However, your defense falls on deaf ears.

“So… you’re crushing on Jun?” Seokmin asks in disbelief. Genuine curiosity is etched on his face and there’s no trace of disappointment whatsoever.

“Of course not!” you snort and you’re pretty sure that your pupils are shaking, desperately looking for any justified explanation that is not playing his fansite for a moment. “It’s just– uh, you know how they say that he’s the best actor on campus. I thought that’d be the best approach to ace the next evaluation.”

Thank God Seokmin is oblivious and doesn’t question the obvious lie you threw at him. Up until now, Mingyu has witnessed the entire situation and this time, he’s the one who sends you the what the fuck look. He’s about to interject and expose your true nature, but Seokmin is quick to respond.

“Maybe I can get Jun and his partner to practice with us a few times. No, not maybe, I’ll definitely succeed in that.” he smiles brightly, just as if he has hit the greatest realization.

You lift your brows in surprise and go along with him. “That’d be awesome! You think you could really arrange that?”

“Yeah!” he nods excitedly before agreeing to meet up sometime later in the week and skips back to his seat.

“I can’t believe you actually managed to do that. Seokmin basically handed you the invitation to be near Jun.” Mingyu deadpans.

You send him an innocent smile and shrug. “What can I say? Karma loves me.”

You recall that Professor Jang used to write Kagehina fanfiction and her bookmarks on ao3 all consisted of homosexual plot without porn. You could care less about her sexual preferences or orientation or whatever the right term is, but you’re pretty damn sure that she’d act like one of those Tumblr stans whenever they see two members of the same group up close and personal with each other. The picture of Professor Jang’s adoration for Junhui is up to the roof (at least, that’s what you think) so if you put these two elements together, she would explode.

Honestly, you can see the appeal of it. The real question is, who does not want to see Junhui trapping Seokmin against the wall like they usually do in romance anime?

“Don’t be panicked, Seok. The love interest is supposed to stay unbothered!” Kyulkyung, Junhui’s partner, shouts beside you.

“I would like to be unbothered but it’s impossible when he’s literally breathing down my neck!” Seokmin whines back and tries to become one with the wall, lurching away from Jun. The latter, however, isn’t having it and rearranges his hands even closer to Seokmin’s head, up until the point where he slunks down and tries to escape from below.

That seems to seal the deal because Junhui immediately retreats and lets out a long sigh. “Seok, you need to relax.”

“I want to see you try to stay still with someone invading your personal space,” Seokmin mutters back as he looks over the script again. “We’ve already established that Y/N is the love interest, so why am I taking over this role?”

“I was just demonstrating how intimidating you have to be so that Y/N can pull off the role well. The love interest is supposed to feel uncomfortable but try to stay sane about it. You get it so far?”

“Yes!” Seokmin exclaims. Jun, on the other hand, doesn’t seem too convinced yet and sends Kyulkyung a pleading look.

“Kyul, can you try the lead on him?”

Without hesitation, Kyulkyung jumps up from her seat and marches over to the front of the auditorium. “You ready?” she asks Seokmin with a sweet and encouraging smile.

“Whenever you’re– eek!” Seokmin lets out a shrill high-pitched shriek when Kyulkyung slams both of her hands beside his head, invades his personal space even more than Junhui did and stares up at him coldly. It takes your best to not fall on the floor out of laughter and it looks like Junhui is having a hard time suppressing a devilish grin.

“I think I’m gonna get some drinks. This is making me tired. Anyone want something? Seokmin?” Kyulkyung instantly drops the boldface and returns to her usual, bubbly personality. Seokmin, still in shock and so close to suffering from heart palpitations, slides down the wall and only brings out a shaky nod.

“Water for him if you don’t mind,” you shout from the audience. Kyulkyung rogers that and is about to take off when Junhui says,

“Seok looks like he needs to say the light of day. You mind taking him with you?”

“You’re right. He does look like he’s about to die soon,” Kyulkyung agrees and crouches down to his level. “C’mon, let’s get some snacks.”

“Huh? Y-yeah, sure.” Even his legs are wobbly when Kyulkyung pulls him on his feet. Luckily, it doesn’t take long until he doesn’t walk like a drunk guy and with that, only two were left in the auditorium.

It’s not that you aren’t on speaking terms with Junhui, but the silence is still comfortable for you. Junhui wastes no time and picks up the script, his nose scrunching up a few times as he mumbles the words under his breath. You remain seated in the front row, your own script covering the lower half of your face. With him concentrating on memorizing the words, it’s the perfect time to snag some snapshots.

(You would’ve taken pictures of Junhui sandwiching Seokmin, but you don’t want to burden Seokmin even more and include him in your portfolio without his consent.)

You fish your phone out of your pocket and carefully let the camera lens peak over the script, your eyes flickering between Junhui and Junhui on the screen. He seems to remain oblivious and you pray that Kyulkyung and Seokmin won’t return anytime soon.

He suddenly stops talking and you hide your phone completely, feigning innocence. Junhui doesn’t pay you any attention though and rolls his shoulders back before he picks up his practice. However, this time he’s started to walk around the stage and swing his free arm around. You don’t see how in the world doing some exercises whilst practicing his lines is doing him any good right now.

Things start to go downhill for you the moment he drops the script and cages air between him and the wall. With the quick, sharp movements he’s doing, it’s pretty much impossible to take a clean shot of him. Even if it’s Junhui, Professor Jang won’t accept any blurry photograph as satisfactory. Also, you want to spare yourself from overusing Photoshop on one single picture.

You’re so immersed in holding up your script as natural as possible and simultaneously trying to find a good angle with your phone that you completely miss the presence sneaking from behind you.

“You're supposed to be practicing, not be on your phone, my dear child!”

You welp and instantly drop the phone on your lap followed by the script as you crane your head back and see Professor Yee towering above you. You’ve got used to his rather… eccentric choice of clothing and lollipop in his mouth.

“How long have you been standing there?!” you squeak and stand up, your phone and script now tucked under your arm. “Also, don’t scare a student like that!”

“I’ve got my ways, Y/N,” Professor Yee singsongs before he pays Junhui some attention too. “I just wanted to stop by. I didn’t know that you two decided to pair up for the upcoming evaluation!”

“We’re not!” both of you deny that claim in sync.

Not seeming to connect the dots, Professor Yee tilts his head to the side. “Why not?”

“Because he’s an asshat! I’m a cock–” he suddenly shoots you a horrified expression and then you get what you just said. Oh, fuck Seungkwan.

“Y/N’s a C student and I’m a got an A in the last evaluation. We decided to practice together as four with our respective partners several times,” Junhui steps in for you.

“How marvelous!” Professor Yee exclaims excitedly and drops down on one of the chairs. “I guess that you–” he points at Junhui, “–are the lead and you–” he gestures to you, “–are preparing the love interest. Isn’t that right?”

“Um, yeah,” you nod.

“Good! Then action!”

You need a while for the words to process in your brain. “Wait what?”

“I wanna see what you’ve done so far!”

“But we’re not partners–”

“Who cares? It’s not the official monthly evaluation yet, is it?”

“He’s right,” Junhui mimics, “It’s not the official evaluation yet, so let’s go through it once!”

With Professor Yee’s expectant eyes gleaming at you and Junhui’s indirect challenge, you have no other choice than to comply. Sighing, you place your script and phone on the chair and huff, “Fine. Let’s get it over already.”

While you and Junhui are slowly getting into character, Professor Yee picks up your script, flips through the pages and reads the instructions out loud with way too much enthusiasm. “Scene one, act three. Person A is completely done with B’s bullshit and decides to confront them then and there. Action!”

Junhui slams both of his hands beside your head as a sly smirk adorns his lips. “We need to talk.”

For a second, you’re starstruck. The guy just a few inches away from you is no longer Junhui pretending to be someone. It’s like he’s completely taken over the role and Junhui doesn’t exist right now. His hooded eyes hint danger and his close proximity causes goosebumps to form on your skin. You know you’re slightly shaking and now you understand why Seokmin had acted the way he did. You really didn’t expect Junhui’s acting to be so overwhelming.

But unlike Seokmin, you manage to stay in character.

“Are you serious? Get off me,” you spit out the words filled with disgust and try to push him away. He doesn’t give in though and instead, forces himself on you even more up to the point where his breath hits your face.

“We need to talk.”

You purse your lips and try your best to stay unaffected while he continues. “I don’t appreciate you doing things behind my back when they very much concern me too. I may have let it slide once or twice, but if I ever see you trying to take pictures of me in a painfully obvious way one more time, you’ll regret it.”

Wait a minute. That’s not part of the script. That’s definitely not part of the script.

Your mouth goes dry and your cheeks heat up once you realize he’s known all along. Suddenly, you feel like becoming one with the wall just like Seokmin.

“That’s not part of the script!” you scream and break out of character, pushing him away from you but that’s not enough to wipe the wicked grin out of his face.

“So what? You should’ve gone with it instead of breaking character! Ten minus points for Slytherin!” Professor Yee fires back. “There’s this thing called improvisation, y’know?”

You scoff at that lame justification. “That’s not the point of this evaluation!”

“But this isn't the official evaluation, my child.”

Beside you, Junhui can barely contain his laughter. It takes all of your might to not punch him in the gut.

“My work here is done,” Professor Yee stands up and dusts of imaginary dust of his pants. “You’re both doing a great job. Well, see you in the next lesson!”

Both you and Junhui force feign innocence until the professor is out the door. The moment the door falls in its lock, Junhui turns at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Heh, you’re easy to catch off guard. It’s even more amusing than seeing Seokmin go wild at parties.”

“Oh shut up.”

“I can’t believe you called yourself a cocksucker in front of the professor,” he snickers.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you’d just suck it up and be my goddamn model for one an hour!” you scowl back at him.

Just as if you just flipped a switch in him, you suddenly find yourself pressed up against the wall. Junhui’s expression is teasing, but there’s something else lies under it. Whether it’s pissed off or you really want to be killed huh, you can’t really deduce. Whatever it is, it’s not necessarily calming.

“I wasn’t joking when I said that,” he smiles at you. It’s not the genuine smile that makes you feel welcome, but the genuine smile that promises he won’t break this promise.

He’s about to add on to that when the door flies open and Kyulkyung awkwardly asks, “We’re not interrupting something, aren’t we?”

“Nope! Just acting!” you say and push Junhui away. At least he has the decency to play along and keep your dispute a secret.

What he doesn’t keep for himself though, is that Professor Yee popped in and how you called yourself a cocksucker in front of him.

[thesinglesjukebox]

NICKI MINAJ - BARBIE DREAMS [5.10] Wake up Ms. Maraj!

Rebecca A. Gowns: Each new Nicki single is more of a letdown. I remember when I first saw her, in "5 Star Bitch," and her verse was electrifying -- her energy was playful, new, exciting, out of this world. I must have watched that video a hundred times. From 2009-2014, I was a devoted fan. In the past four or five years, her enthusiasm has waned, and along with it, so has mine. This is not even to mention her squabbles, her issues with her family, her relationships -- all of which give me pause -- but just listening to the music, there's a fire that has dwindled down to embers. Here, she's going back to a track from an early mixtape, trying to stoke the flames, but she's going to need a lot more than re-animating "Dear Old Nicki" to get some of that magic back. [4]

Julian Axelrod: Of all the things Nicki's lost this year -- her credibility, her chart supremacy, her chill -- I miss her sense of humor the most. She's one of the most influential figures in the last decade of rap not just for her machine gun flow, but for having genuinely funny punchlines in an era when everyone takes themselves too goddamn seriously. Cut to "Barbie Dreams," a cheeky novelty single designed to play into Nicki's ball-busting bombshell persona. But are we really so starved for humor that we're stanning this sub-Catskills atrocity? The only thing worse than being humorless is trying this hard to be funny, and you can practically hear Nicki cracking up after every lukewarm bar. Each toothless jab digs her grave deeper as she goes from corny (Uzi, Fetty Wap) to offensive (Young Thug, Desiigner) to downright clunky. ("I tried to fuck 50 for a powerful hour" sounds like a robot trying to comprehend human sexuality.) If these rappers really are her sons, that explains why every line is so labored. By crafting a diss track full of love taps, Nicki tries to have it both ways -- a "Control" verse for a rapper who has none. [2]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: It's weird: despite spending the past few months in a near constant PR disaster -- from collaborating with noted sex criminal 6ix9ine and beefing with hip-hop's current It Girl Cardi B to getting into a protracted fight over her (pretty damn good) first week sales that brought together Travis Scott, the Kardashian/Jenner family generally (including the babies), Spotify, Billboard, and Harriet Tubman as the subjects of her rantings -- Nicki Minaj has had a pretty good year musically. "Barbie Dreams" is an encapsulation of her year -- the skill with which she raps on the two halves of the track is obvious in the way she effortlessly chains her punchlines together like she's racking up combos on a fighting game, and in the poise she so clearly owns. Yet most of the talk around "Barbie Dreams" comes from its rolodex of name-drops, which... is a clever marketing gimmick, at least. As long as it gets people listening to some eminently skilled raps, that's fine, but maybe the puppets were a step too far? [7]

Alfred Soto: Minaj has gotten a lot of deserved shit for tiresome boasting and repetition, but "Barbie Dreams" boasts some of her tightest recent rhymes, despite the return of the Biggie sample. Pop music and context are indivisible, therefore a track in 2018 by a woman in which she fantasizes about fucking and besting male competition in a tone that will give Harold "Anxiety of Inluence" Bloom a skin rash sounds fresh. But Bloom would balk at the casualness with which she says "my Jew." Slow down, Nicki. [7]

Nicholas Donohoue: Two criticisms: 1) Far be it from me to dictate who Nicki Minaj should associate with, but she should really talk with someone about some quality control of who she associates with; and 2) my skin crawls whenever anybody says "my Jews" or talks about Jewishness. Other than that, this is excellent and is miles more comfortable than Biggie's take. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: Plush, wood drums with a light dusting of guitar drifts along while Nicki puts her feet up and wryly makes stale jokes about the dudes she'd like to fuck. Also there's a slick, dazzling rap left at the end over a hollow, stumbling bass drum beat. [6]

Katie Gill: Turns out that "these are all the people I'd like to fuck" is a boring concept no matter what gender is singing it. Add in the last minute and a half (which is a completely different song) and you've got something that's somehow both half-assed and trying too hard. [4]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Amusing how I'd be more forgiving of this song if its final minute and a half were a separate track (or at least given its own title). As it is, its presence only shows that Nicki can't kill her darlings or her rap queen insecurities. Considering "Barbie Dreams" was bound to be the most viral track on Queen, there's a sense that this final stretch is a preemptive defense against anyone who doubts her technical abilities. Its self-serious tone retroactively makes the first half feel depressing, revealing that this was nothing more than a ploy to get as many streams as possible. An homage to Biggie? Well, that sounds like a good way to get more people to press play. [2]

Maxwell Cavaseno: A decade ago, it felt refreshing for Nicki Minaj to come out of Queens as adventurous and elastic as she once was. However, over the years the same rapper has become surprisingly cloying and conservative in her rap approaches. In a baffling turn of events (or perhaps the fear of her media appointed rival in Cardi B stealing the "Queen of New York" title by simply feeling less tyrannical) this has resulted in her last album, Queen, being a frantic flailing of NYC Real Rapper Posturing -- complete with, what else? A Biggie Tribute. The "Barbie Dreams" revival of the "Dreams of fucking an R&B Bitch" concept isn't inherently bad because it's been done before. It's bad because it finds Nicki surprisingly unfunny and charmless, as a result of her over-commitment to the True School antics. The original was essentially a tribute to Too Short's "Freaky Tales" and understood that the sexcapades don't make you look cooler unless you look ridiculous, and Onika Maraj refuses to allow herself to look ridiculous anymore. Ironically, that makes the hollow echoes of this clunker all the more absurd. [4]

Stephen Eisermann: Nicki's at her best when she doesn't overthink things. It's been a while since she has cut loose and just had fun, so this funny, jab-filled, well-rapped track is a nice change of pace. Although the material of Queen often gets lost in itself, songs like this remind us that, hey, Nicki's still got a dope-ass flow and some fun wordplay, even if it hasn't been all that prevalent as of late. Also, that ending, whew. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[dirtdiggersanddinosaurs]

Congratulations!

If you are reading this you’ve successfully survived 100 days of lockdown – whoop, I’m giving you all a virtual, socially distanced and gloved pat on the back!

Reaching the milestone this week gave me a nudge to look back on what we have (or haven’t) achieved so far. To be honest, I have had more than a few moments of mum guilt and feeling like I’m failing to juggle everything properly as, [I imagine] we all have at some point?

We’ve muddled through with some really good days and some god awful ones that we must never speak of again! On the whole though it’s been lovely to have this extra time together, and we have done some pretty cool things on our journey into home learning. I’m not going to use the term home schooling because really it’s been anything but, let’s just say I have a whole new level of respect for all the teachers out there!

We’ve been completely disorganised…no detailed schedules/planners here I’m afraid! Things have been inconsistent, surprisingly spontaneous and sometimes we’ve just been downright lazy. We’ve also never put any pressure on ourselves. Keeping safe and well has always been our priority and very much still is, so that in turn means that we’ve also had a lot of fun along the way. Read on to see a few of our more enjoyable home learning projects:

Egyptians

This was our first foray into a proper topic. It started with an innocent share of a virtual tour of Queen Meresankh’s Tomb to my Facebook group and quickly snowballed as our friends commented. It was decided our friend group would learn together about Egypt and then have a 3 way videocall at the end of the week for a ‘show and tell’.

At this point we were in full lockdown so everything we made was from repurposed household items and using what we found in the depths of the craft bag. We started by researching Egyptians online and I printed out the hieroglyphic alphabet. We decided to have a go at making our own ancient scroll. To age the paper I gave Stanley some cold black coffee and he painted the paper all over (while complaining about the smell, I might add). Once dry I used a lighter to carefully singe the edges and create blackened areas to give an appearance of age (I wouldn’t recommend letting any child under 10 years do this part as it was quite tricky). I then gave the paper back to Stanley and he used the printout to lookup the letters needed for his name then wrote ‘Stan’ in hieroglyphs.

Stanley’s ancient name scroll

The next stop was to go back to our original plan and explore Queen Meresankh’s Tomb online, this was really interesting and Stanley recognised some of the hieroglyphs, however I think James was just hoping to spot a mummy! This led nicely into looking up pictures of the Pharaohs and Queens and what they looked like.

We decided to make some Egyptian jewellery to jazz ourselves up a bit for our video call, as you do! Paper plates came to the rescue, we cut the centre out, leaving just the rim of the plate. We then painted them with silver paint (we didn’t have any gold, budget conscious Pharaoh’s here). We cut some jewels out of tissue paper using pinking shears and stuck them on. Stanley drew some scarab beetles working from an illustration we found online and coloured them in. We stuck these to our collar necklaces to make the centre pendant. Using a similar technique on a empty toilet roll Stanley made a wrist cuff, and my headband was made from thin card and tinfoil. I drew the serpant because by now I was fully invested!

For more Egyptian craft ideas see my Pinterest board.

Cleopatra coming atcha!

After a quick rummage in the shed I found some weed suppressant fabric and I became Cleopatra, the eyeliner came out and my eyebrows had a less than subtle makeover too. A couple of old sheets were artistically arranged, and we were ready for our videocall. Luckily we have friends who are just as crazy and wholeheartedly threw themselves into the theme too!

Talk like an Egyptian

Space

This was a week long project that coincided with National Space Day (May 1st), which just goes to prove I can actually plan things when I try!

Stanley has always been interested in space and rockets so he was more than happy with this subject. We started off by watching the moon landing on YouTube which he was absolutely glued to, and he told me all about the lack of gravity which I admit really impressed me. From there we watched a Facebook live from the National Space Centre explaining the phases of the moon, which was really informative in a child friendly way. Stanley drew all the phases of the moon and coloured them in. He then cut them out with a little help from me. I covered some thin card with black tissue paper and Stanley used white paint and a toothbrush to ‘stipple’ and splatter what looked like the night sky. Once dry we stuck on the moon phases in order and Stanley labelled them.

Learning about phases of the moon

Have you ever made moon sand? If not, I really recommend it. I know that many people inwardly cringe at the idea of moldable sand, but I love it as a rainy day activity. It’s one of those things that can keep my boys entertained for hours, so a bit of mess is totally worth it for a quiet cuppa. It’s also really easy to make requiring only 2 ingredients that you’re likely to already have in. We used 8 parts flour (a mix in our case of bags that had been in the cupboard for quite a while) to 1 part oil. We used baby oil, cooking oil would work too but might not smell as nice. You can also add food colouring to make different colours but we stuck with natural colour sand to represent the moon’s surface.

Homemade moon sand

Next, was a space themed craft session that everybody enjoyed joining in with while Eli was down for a nap. I honestly don’t know what we would have done without the humble paper plate during lockdown, this time we saw them transformed into an alien spaceship via some tinfoil and an empty yogurt pot. They also became an alien mask, and impressive solar flare.

Tony Hart would have been proud!

Again, we did a show and tell with friends at the end of the week which started off well but descended into silliness and Messenger games. It was lovely to see the boys catching up and playing together though – if you can’t be silly when you’re 6, when can you?

UFO spotted in Leek, Staffordshire

For more Space based learning inspiration head over to my Pinterest board.

VE Day

I’m not going to lie, this was my absolute favourite topic. If you haven’t got a pen then grab one now, you are going to want to write this down….ready? I put my boys on RATIONS for a whole week leading up to VE Day! OMG it was amazing, we saved approximately eleventy million pounds in snacks alone! Joking aside, [it wasn’t a joke, it really WAS amazing!] it helped to bring home the hardship that people endured during and after the war years in a way the boys could easily understand.

James didn’t look this happy about it towards the end of the week!

I cut up an old colouring book and designed the front cover with some details from the original ration books. Inside I made a page for each day, listed snacks (of my choice) and then cut slips that could be torn off as ‘coupons’ and handed over in exchange for the desired food item.

Best mum hack EVER!

After introducing the ration books Stanley had lots of questions so we looked up what was available on ration during and after the war. We talked about how food was never wasted and had to last.

We also learned about Dig for Victory and how people were encouraged to grow their own fruit and vegetables to help with food shortages. Stanley drew pictures of the veggies that we have planted then labelled them. We then found some examples of Dig for Victory propaganda posters online and had a go of recreating one in our backyard. I think it was a reasonable effort, what do you think?

Our recreated propaganda poster.

My boys have always been interested in anything with an engine so we looked up the Spitfire which of course was designed by Reginald Mitchell who was a Stoke-on-Trent man, so local to us. Stanley remembers going to see the Spitfire at the Potteries Museum and Art Gallery with his Grandad. I ordered some cheap model airplanes online, see similar here and we had a flying competition and measured how far they flew.

Honing his flying skills

Anybody who knows me in real life will know that I like to celebrate, I’ll go all out to make something special and VE Day itself deserved some special recognition. So, I set to making some decorations out of crepe paper from our bottomless craft bag and cut up some old Aldi carrier bags. I know that I tread a fine line between being resourceful and just plain tight!

VE Day decorations in the making

We had already read about evacuees and how parents sent their children away to the countryside to keep them safe. So on the morning of VE Day I had outfits ready for my three little evacuees who I was keen to welcome home. School polo shirts and trousers provided the majority of the outfits and I added flat caps to finish them off. All evacuees were labelled so that they got home safely. The labels I made from a pack of luggage tags and Stanley being the eldest was in charge of carrying the gas masks (gas mask case made from an empty washing tablet box). They looked so cute!

My evacuees were home at last.

Meanwhile, I channelled my inner land girl in a khaki jumpsuit and red lippy. We listened to 1940’s music together and tuned in to hear Winston Churchill’s speech. We looked at photos of how people celebrated VE Day with huge street parties and Stanley commented that “we can’t do that today because of the virus germs” so I told him not to worry as I had our safe party planned.

This landgirl complete with her essential gruffalo gardening tools

To round off our week of interactive history lessons we celebrated Victory in Europe in style with a traditional afternoon tea party. The weather was lovely so we had it outside, I’d arranged for more afternoon teas to be delivered to my mum and sister too, and we scheduled a group videocall so that we could all enjoy the treats ‘together’. It was a fab day and a great end to that week’s project.

To plan next year’s VE Day celebration or to get inspiration for a WW2 project visit my Pinterest board here.

Science

Who doesn’t love a good science project? Well, after being fascinated by Professor Pumpernickel‘s show (he’s a mad scientist with blue hair) at Timber Festival my boys are pretty keen on anything that has the potential to explode, smoke or ooze.

We had a go at creating our very own lava lamp, and again all the ingredients were already in our cupboards. From what I’ve seen there are a couple of ways to do this, but our method was fairly simple.

Starting off slowly

We added a generous layer of bicarbonate of soda to the bottom of our ‘lamp’, then carefully filled with cooking oil. In the paper cups we had food colouring (yellow and blue) mixed with vinegar. Slowly Stanley poured the food colouring mixture into the lamp, a few drops at a time.

Building up the colours

Here’s the science bit: the oil and vinegar do not have the same density. The vinegar is more dense and does not mix with the oil causing it to sink to the bottom. Once at the bottom the vinegar (acid) reacts with the (alkaline) bicarbonate of soda and releases (carbon dioxide) gas bubbles which then rise back up to the surface.

It worked surprisingly well and the boys were very impressed. You can read about our other bicarb science lesson where we made a volcano here.

Nature

Again, if you know us beyond your screen it will come as no surprise that we’ve been learning more about nature more than anything else. We are (usually, pre Covid19) an outdoorsy bunch. We like being surrounded by nature in all its leafy, feathery, slimy, furry and muddy glory. So it was very easy for us to bring the natural world into our lessons.

World Bee Day is celebrated every year on 20th May so we took this as our starting point and focused on bees for that week. I printed off a bee spotter sheet and released the boys into the yarden to burn some energy off. Luckily the weather was perfect and the bees were a’buzzin.

Image Credit: Wild About Gardens

Next on the list was to learn about how bees construct their hive. We watched a live stream from a local apiary that explained the process. I then set Stanley the task of making a honeycomb from an empty toilet roll.

*at this point if it can’t be made from a paper plate, tinfoil, yogurt pots or empty toilet rolls then we’re not interested *

I cut the toilet roll into sections and armed Stanley with some sticky tape. He soon had a decent looking honeycomb although he was quick to point out that they weren’t the right shape.

Busy bee making his honeycomb

Once completed we looked at the life cycle of a honey bee using toy figures. The boys played bees for a little while together using the honeycomb we’d made.

Learning through play

Afterwards Stanley completed some worksheets I’d printed, he labelled the different phases of the bee life cycle and then completed a bee themed wordsearch.

Wordsearches are great for word recognition, sounding out and hand eye coordination too.

Staying with the bee theme we tried a little science experiment involving honey. Supposedly you can tell how pure your honey is by doing this.

First pour some runny honey into a bowl, add a small amount of hot water and move the bowl to swirl the water over the surface of the honey. If the honey is pure then the heat from the water makes the honey react causing the cells ‘remember’ their last state so they start to reform a honeycomb pattern.

As you can see we did get a pattern but I’m not convinced on the scientific merits of this experiment but it was fun and easy to do. Unfortunately we only had one type of honey in the house, but it would be a good experiment to do with different types of honey to see if they produced different results.

We also rescued a bumblebee that was a bit worse for wear in our backyard, Stanley made up a teaspoon of sugar solution and let the bee get its energy back. The boys kept going out and checking on it and finally got to see it fly off which was great.

Rescue mission

We did a similar study with the frog life cycle, I had every intention of finding some frogspawn and raising the tadpoles but as we’ve been shielding we didn’t get out far enough to find any. But, never the less we learned all about the stages of the life cycle and the boys made their own little froggy habitat using gravel and water. I made my own ‘frogspawn’ using cornflour and peppercorns for the boys to play with. It was good old messy fun, which was very much confined to being outside!

Making a frog habitat

For those wondering, I found the life cycle toys here. We have still got the mosquito, butterflies and ant lifecycles to explore so plenty to go at yet. More kids life cycle activity inspiration can be found on my Pinterest board.

So there you have it, 5 of our best bits – the projects that we’ve really enjoyed doing over the last 100 days. I’ve tried to combine fun with learning to keep my boys interested and entertained, hopefully one day they will look back on our time shielding in lockdown with a smile. I dread to think what my offstead rating would be though, coffee always seems to rank quite highly in my teaching priorities!

100 days and counting…

If you’ve enjoyed this post, or found it helpful then please come and over and join my Facebook group. I set the group up at the very beginning of lockdown as obviously my usual days out and activities were non existant, it’s called ‘Let’s Do This Instead’ and is packed full of ideas for home learning, entertaining the kids and having fun. We are now over 1.3k parents strong but the more the merrier!

All images are my own unless otherwise credited and must not be reproduced without permission.

100 Days of Lockdown Learning: Our Best Bits Congratulations! If you are reading this you've successfully survived 100 days of lockdown - whoop, I'm giving you all a virtual, socially distanced and gloved pat on the back!